Mr. Needy McNeederson...

I was scrolling through Facebook on my phone the other morning, when this "memory" popped up. It  caused me to think about how life was back in those days. If I had a dollar for every time I came home from a stressful day at work, a long holiday full of family drama or some other event caused me to groan and utter the words "ugh, I NEED a drink," I would be a much wealthier man that wouldn't be worrying about financial aid or debt consolidation.

I think I was only a "normal" drinker for a VERY brief period of time. One of those drinkers that could take it or leave it. You could find a bottle in my fridge, and then come back several days later and possibly find that same bottle was still there. My schedule did not revolve around drinking, where I was going to acquire my next drink or recovering from the last time I drank. Even in those early days, I'd use the phrase of "needing" a drink fairly often. It seemed harmless to me, but I think there is power in those words of "want" or "need."

want: verb
1. to feel a desire for; wish for.
2. to wish, crave, demand, desire.

vs.

need: verb.
1. a requirement, necessary duty or obligation.
2. a lack of something deemed necessary.
3. urgent want, as of something required.

I think that super-thin line of alcoholism is in there somewhere. Like, after a shitty day at work, it makes sense to want that drink or you want something that is going to give you that sense of ease or relaxation. But, if it doesn't happen, you'll still be okay right? Sigh. No drink. I'll be okay. I'll probably just go to bed early or whatever.

If you need that drink after that shitty day, that means that you simply cannot carry on until that drink happens. That drink takes precedence over a lot of other stuff in your life that should be happening right about now. If it doesn't happen, you'll still be okay right? Yeah, no. Probably not. I'm going to devise some sort of ridiculous plan in which I will get that alcohol before the day is over... and THEN I can relax after shit super shitty day at work.

But, it doesn't just happen because of supper shitty days at work. It happens when you break up with someone, when you start dating someone, when it's raining, when the sky is blue... any day that ends in Y. You get to that point where you need it to go to sleep at night, you need it to really wake up and get going in the morning and you need it throughout the day. Most people are okay without it. You get some people that look forward to that post-work cocktail. Then, you have OTHER people who are so wrapped up into it, that they think it absolutely has to happen while they are at work. Not like I would know anybody like that, but I've heard rumors. :-)

To need that drink is such a sad place to be. It's so tiring. It's all-consuming. It's hurtful, not just to me, but those around me that I'm supposed to care about. I'm glad I don't have to live like that anymore.