The Courage to Change...

 

I think it's a safe to say that the majority of people in recovery know what the serenity prayer is and can probably speak it by heart. It's recited at the beginning of most 12-step meetings and sometimes even at the end of the meeting. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference..." Even people NOT in recovery should know this one, it definitely helps. I know that I say it at LEAST once a day.

If I were a bettin' man, I'd say the thing that people use the prayer for the MOST would be the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change" part. It is so helpful to remind us that we are hardly ever in control. We are the mercy of so many people and things around us, that it is pointless to get so worked up over things that we have no power to change. I know there have been PLENTY of times in my life that I've come across something that I don't like, I have no power to change it into something that I am okay with and I just need to work with it the best that I can. There is no point in throwing some massive temper tantrum over it, getting pissed off at people about it, having people get pissed off at me because of my response and just blowing it out of proportion. There is DEFINITELY no point in getting drunk or high over it. That won't fix it. In most cases, that usually just makes it worse.

The other day, I was doing my normal daily meditation "ritual" in the shower (not necessarily a ritual, just the little internal conversation I have with myself about my day and how I'm going to try and handle it) when a DIFFERENT part of the prayer stuck out to me like a sore thumb. All of a sudden I started thinking on the part "COURAGE to change the things I can." It's no mystery that alcoholics and addicts don't like change. Whether you are talking about BIG change like jobs and living arrangements, to little things like how the chairs in the room are set up... totally not a fan. Change is uncomfortable, sometimes it's even painful. Sometimes it pisses people off. 

That change can look like anything from a "small" change to yourself. Maybe you need to stop drinking/smoking/whatever? Maybe you need a change in your diet. Maybe you need to pick up the exercise. Start going to church... whatever! That change can go on a bigger scale and you can help someone else with THEIR change... this is where the uncomfortableness can get a little more intense. Maybe you can help a small group of people? Maybe you can help your family? Do you have that kind of courage? To step up and do something to improve the lives of those most important to you? MAYBE the change gets even bigger and you need to do your part to help your community, your city, state or even your country. What does that look like?

I think maybe I need to stop using the serenity prayer as a reason to not doing anything. "I can't change anything. I just have to accept it." Maybe, instead, I need to start using the serenity prayer as a reason to start making BIGGER changes in my life and the lives of others. Just a thought to ponder...

So, there's this girl...

Needless to say, before November 2017, I was a total mess. I wouldn't even add the word "hot" to it. I was BAD. I had pretty much decided that I was going to pull myself out of the dating scene because, honestly, who would date a 32 year old that still lives with his parents? Even before that point, my relationship history had been all over the map. Literally. I may have lived on my own and had a fairly decent job, but I didn't know who I was or what the hell I wanted out of life. By Spring/Summer 2017, I had decided that I should probably just focus on me for a bit. Then I got this random message out of nowhere on a dating app that I rarely checked anymore... and wound up striking up a conversation with this pseudo-country (what I would've considered strike 1) Catholic (another red flag at the time) girl from Norman (the last girl from Norman that I dated wasn't exactly a winner either). I gave it a shot and we wound up surprisingly hitting it off and making a fairly decent connection.

I would say that our relationship was anything but normal, but neither of us were exactly the poster children of normal ourselves. We were both a little on the older side, we had both been through the relationship wringer and I think we were both just tired. We were tired of being someone's #2, when we should've been a #1. We were tired of being hurt, lied to and taken advantage of all the time. We were tired of the "dating" scene, the courtship process and that loooong journey it sometimes takes to convince someone that "hey, I want this person to be my GF/BF." We were both content with just being with each other. We didn't REQUIRE (not to say that they aren't nice) fancy dates. While we enjoyed nights out at a nice restaurant, we were just as content with picking up some burgers from Braum's and watching "Nailed It" on Netflix.

We had a few bumps in the road earlier on, most of them were brought on by me. A lot of it came from two people who were just used to being by themselves or being in bad relationships. Learning how to communicate. Learning how to compromise. Learning how to be comfortable enough to share the things that make people uncomfortable... that was a big one. We had plenty of uncomfortable conversations about our pasts. The most uncomfortable was when she came across the fact that I had been hiding my struggles with alcoholism. She had her suspicions, but she was nowhere near how bad it really was.

When the bottom dropped out and I decided I was going to go into treatment, I gave her the option of going our separate ways. She didn't sign up for this. She didn't deserve this... but she stayed anyway. She was easily one of my main pillars of support during those six months and the long months after I completed treatment. Life has gotten so infinitely better since I got sober, and I'm so incredibly blessed that she has stuck by my side through it all. I don't think I would've gotten sober without her.

A little over a year ago, we decided to move in together. We found that cute little house in Moore. The year has been FAR from easy. We've survived a pandemic together. We've survived storms together. We've survived some of the coldest weather in Oklahoma history together. We've also had plenty of incredibly moments. We love our nights watching wrestling or the Walking Dead together. We love having people over for dinner, games and hilarious conversations.

A couple of weeks ago (months ago? I don't know, time flies) I FINALLY popped the question, and (of course) she said yes lol. Now we have the fun (is it fun???) process of planning the wedding...