So, Sunday night was the 90th Academy Awards and it caused me to stop and think for a moment on the topic of movies... how important they are/were to me, how I lost that simple and harmless hobby that I truly enjoyed because of my destructive drinking and what that means for me today. There was a time that I could follow along with the Oscars because I would have watched the vast majority of the films that were nominated. Over the years, it dwindled to a point where I would watch, but I only knew about a few of the films. This year, I didn't watch the Academy Awards and I haven't seen a single one of the films that won an Oscar.
It may not sound all that important to you, but I think it's a perfect analogy of how alcohol slowly, but surely, took over all aspects of my life. It didn't just destroy the major things like my education, my work history and my health... it aimed for the tiny things too. Something as simple as going out to the movies wasn't even an option because I couldn't afford it or I didn't even have the desire to do that anymore.
Years ago, movies were by far one of the most important things in my life. I wasn't one of those kids that went to house parties on the weekends, you could find me and my friend Emily at the fancy new Harkins Theater in Bricktown. I wasn't spending my money on the hottest fashion trends, I was buying used DVD's en masse at places like Vintage Stock or FYE. I was fortunate enough to take advantage of Blockbuster before those all closed down. During the slow and painful death of video rental stores, I discovered this wonderful little website called Netflix. It not only widened my movie-watching horizons, it blew them sky-high. Needless to say, movies played a very important role in my teenage to younger adult years.
As I got older, and I discovered alcohol, not a whole lot changed... right away. There was a brief period of time where my love for drinking and my love for movies were able to coexist in peace and harmony. I was even excited to see that there was a new theater going up in Moore that had a bar actually IN the theater!! Talk about the best of both worlds!! But, just like everything else in my life, alcohol slowly but surely nudged that out of my life. As funds became more limited, I definitely chose alcohol over movies. I would watch as new movies would enter the box office and would say "yes! I totally want to see that!" But, before I would realize it, I've done nothing but drink for several weeks and the movie would already be gone. I'm watching these award shows and even find myself occasionally going "I've never even HEARD of that movie?!"
In what other areas have I done that? What else have I sacrificed or traded in for the sake of another drink? I'm afraid that it is definitely not limited to JUST my love for the movies. I've chosen to drink by myself MANY times over going and spending time with family and friends. Even the times that I was actually with my family, I know that my mind and spirit was actually either under the influence of that drink or pre-occupied with where I'm going to get the next one. Church used to be incredibly important to me. I loved my church family. For crying out loud, I even considered being an Episcopal priest there for a while. But, alcohol slowly seeped in and took that over, too. At first, it was just me showing up to church hungover (or possibly even still drunk) and before too long it was just me not showing up at all. I'm not proud of it. I'm just glad I can identify it now and hopefully avoid that in the future.
As I had mentioned in my first post for 2018, one of my top 10 things I look forward to in the new year is getting back to the movies. I see it as more than just going back to see a good flick every once and a while. It's just another step in getting back to the normal, simple, HAPPY me. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be able to actually WATCH the Oscars and know what they're talking about...
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