Those who are familiar with my story and/or have been following this blog (all like 2 or 3 of you lol) know that, for me, days don't get much darker than November 13, 2017. The reasons behind that weren't from some sort of national tragedy or anniversary of a horrible loss... it was all from my own doing. I had (once again) allowed my disease to completely take over, alcohol had taken precedence over everything and everyone in my life. I still thought I was "managing" and I still thought that I was in "control," but that drink had slowly taken over. It became very obvious to me while I was at work. Unfortunately, it became obvious to other people too... as well as the OUHSC Police Department. Even though I was completely under the influence, I managed to have an honest conversation with Officer Loggins and share my situation. She took those amazing steps to give me another chance at this sobriety thing.
It still wasn't over yet. As I laid on that cot, I thought long and hard about where I was and what had happened. Honestly, my first thought was more "flight" rather than "fight." My job was gone. My girlfriend was more than likely gone. My parents were going to be totally through with my crap. But I still don't want to stop drinking, so I might as well just run away. Try and find a way to make this excuse of a life work or die trying. Luckily, as I sobered up, I was able to sit there and think about how truly ridiculous and dangerous that train of thought was. Something had to change. I had to change. When Mom and Nick picked me up super early in the morning on November 14, 2017... the change had to start right then and there.
So, as I worked on myself and on my sobriety, I looked at November 14, 2018 as a goal. I knew it wasn't a "finish line," per se... as it was an important milestone. Months passed by and the goal inched closer, I started to think to myself "hey, you can actually do this!" My opinion of myself continued to get better and better. I wasn't the piece of scum that I once thought I was. I was worth fighting for. I'm a good person and I can be of use to those around me. That is how I began to occupy my time, by helping others in this program the best that I can.
Here we are one year and three days sober. I enjoyed hearing people say that they were proud of me and that I was doing a great job. Mom made me a special dinner and Megan made me special cupcakes. My boss and coworkers celebrated with me with a special gift and a sweet card. Just further examples of the fact that I got here because of people who cared for me and loved me along the way. I'll be honest and say that I DID enjoy the attention... but I'm super glad that we are back to just "another day." THIS is what I have worked for. My "normal" doesn't contain me being drunk, hung over or consumed by the thoughts of what had I done or how I was going to get my next drink. I get to look forward to things like dinners with friends, college football and planning the excitement that is right around the corner... the holidays!
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