In the past, Thanksgiving has had a tendency to cause my thoughts and feelings to immediately go negative... and there is absolutely no reason why. I think I had some sort of totally unrealistic expectation that my family holidays should be a duplicate of a Norman Rockwell painting. While they may have been far from that imagery, my holidays have always been pretty positive experiences. I'm way more blessed than most people out there. I have an amazing family and I always end the night with an incredibly full belly.
This year, when I've been thinking back to these holidays that I've celebrated as an adult, I'm honestly overwhelmed with remorse and the desire to make amends to my family. If it was possible to make amends to a day in general, I totally would. It's frustrating to think of the years that I've wasted by focusing on the negative, what I didn't have, what someone wasn't doing right or wishing that someONE or someTHING was different. More often than not, my mind was totally distracted by the thought that this stupid family get-together was interrupting that much needed bottle of alcohol I had stored away somewhere at home.
Thanksgiving 2017 just scratched the surface of what a family holiday should be. My mind was preoccupied with what had just happened in the past few weeks, my very new and fragile sobriety, the fact that I would be leaving that Monday to spend six months at an inpatient rehab facility or just the gajillion other things going though my mind. Despite that, I did put forth a superhuman effort to enjoy my family. No matter how loud and rambunctious they would get, that was MY family. The holiday was pretty wonderful and was capped off with feelings of warmth, support and love as I shared with them my plans of going to FIRSTEP. Simply writing this paragraph made me get a little misty-eyed at the memories.
This Thanksgiving was truly pretty epic. We went out to my cousin Todd's house and celebrated with the Frankenfield side of my family. Megan was able to join us as we ate LOTS of food an just simply hung out. It really wasn't anything super fancy, it was just family hanging out on couches or around the kitchen and enjoying being with each other. I did get a lot of questions and my family saying how proud of me they were, but my favorite parts were talking about memories of the past or silly conversations like what places in Oklahoma City were supposedly haunted.
The word may be a little cliche'd and overused in the month of November, but I am truly very grateful for my life and my family. I know not everyone is as fortunate or blessed as I am. I've taken it for granted for so long and I'm glad that it isn't too late for me to show action and the proper attitude that would make people say "hey, that John Cloud really loves his family..."
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