The Next Step...

179 days, several major holidays, a college football championship, a few birthdays, a double ear infection and THREE funerals later... and my time here at FIRSTEP (as a client) is almost over. With a mere four days left before I get to stand up in front of the community and "graduate" from the program, it's crazy to look back and see that, while it doesn't SEEM like it's been that long, so much has changed and it really HAS been a long time. Some of the vestiges (oooooh, good word!) of "old John" are proving to be stubborn and aren't going away as easily and as quickly as I would like them to, but I do pretty much feel like a totally new person.

I think Tuesday night will be hard! If I manage to walk away without shedding at least a tear or two, I will be truly surprised. I asked Brent to "read me out," so he'll get up and say a few words about me and read what it says on my certificate. He smiled, I think that made him happy. As a newer client, I used to think that people always picked Jonas and no one ever seemed to pick Brent... I had decided that I was going to pick Brent, just because I thought that was the nice thing to do. Here we are, months later, and I have developed a close relationship with Brent. He has been this awesome brother/father/role model figure that I've really tried to learn from while at FIRSTEP. He has heart and feelings for these guys, but he also doesn't mess around when it comes to this program. Brent DID say something about "why don't you have Bill read you out??" Trust me, if I could have both... I totally would. Bill has definitely become my best friend/ally/brother during my time here. I know I'll definitely see plenty of both Brent and Bill after I graduate.

I do have a basic idea of what I want to say. I don't want to write anything down, because I don't want to be a robot... I want to know that it comes from the heart. I know who I need to thank, I just need to think of a great way to express my "parting thoughts" towards the guys I've lived with for the last six months. So many important things I want to express that will hopefully make the rest of their time at FIRSTEP and the rest of their lives so much better.

I'll head back home to my ACTUAL home, where my room, my Xbox and my dog are all waiting for me. I'll get to sleep in my OWN bed and not have to drown out the snores of 39 other guys with my headphones. If I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it's just a few short steps away from my room... not on the opposite side of the building. I'll get to eat a (somewhat) wider variety of foods! I'm going to enjoy a day or two of eating what I damn well please... before buckling down and doing something like Weight Watchers to get this belly of mine under control...

My own room, my own bathroom, my dog, food, all of that stuff... those luxuries that I've been waiting six months for. Somehow, I'm still going to (honestly) miss the life that I've had here while at FIRSTEP. The structure is oddly comforting. The surroundings are peaceful. You actually get to enjoy living in a big dorm full of guys. It's difficult to feel alone and sad when you're surrounded by 70 guys all cracking dick and fart jokes all the time...

Wednesday morning, I'll wake up just like I used to BEFORE November 14th... BEFORE alcohol took over. I'll get ready and take Mom to work. After that, I'll run by the NEW JOB to start paperwork and what-not.... That's right. You heard correctly. NEW JOB. I'll be working for an organization called Specialized Outpatient Services, or "SOS" for short. They provide different services, counseling, programming and classes for people who are dealing with addiction and may or may not have a court situation that they are handling. RIGHT up my alley. I'll be an "enrollment specialist." I'll help in the office and work with new clients and help get them enrolled for the various services that they may need. I look forward to being a voice of hope for guys that are just starting to tackle this issue. Show them that "hey, not everyone involved is a harsh and judgmental voice. You're a person, too. There is a finish line to this and it DOES get better."

The actual job itself doesn't start until the first week of June. I'm CRAZY excited about the fact that it seems like that should be the next step for me to getting OTHER stuff done... like cars and school and my own place and and and... so on and so forth. I do plan on finding a way to make sure that FIRSTEP stays a part of my life. I'm currently in talks with corporate on becoming a volunteer that has permission to drive guys to meetings and other outings. I would love to stay in contact with as many of these guys as possible and become a part of the lives of the new guys that come way after me.

While at FIRSTEP, and at the end of every AA meeting in general, we cite the serenity prayer or the Lord's prayer and then shout out "keep coming back, it works if you work it!" More than ever, I believe that is oh so true. I'm workin' it and it sure is working...