The best I can recollect, the day before seems like it was something straight out of one of those indie drama movies that I'm so fond of where EVERYTHING goes wrong and the good guys don't necessarily win in the end. But on November 14th, I was blessed to get to wake up to another day. I got to wake up from my own bed. I had already made the decision myself, but I had a serious (yet compassionate) conversation with my parents about what I was going to do next. Mom handed me the little scrap of paper with two numbers written on it. One was to "The Recovery Center," a facility that helps with medically supervised detoxification for people who suffer from alcohol and drug abuse issues.The other was a number for a place called "FIRSTEP Men's Recovery Program," a facility located in southeast Oklahoma City that provides a 6-24 month rehabilitation program for men who want/need to overcome their addiction. I made the calls and started the ball in motion to hopefully never have to experience a day like November 13th ever again.
I had heard horror stories about going through detox, especially while at TRC. The experience for me was actually pleasant. I definitely know that was because of the fact that my health insurance hadn't been discontinued yet. One of MANY blessings that I've experienced in the last month. I only had to stay with them for 5 days before I was released on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. The next day (Monday), I went with my parents to take a tour of the FIRSTEP facilities. They were nice and reminded me of a Summer church camp. After taking the tour, Alex (who was a resident and fellow alcoholic) let me know that they would have an opening for me the following Monday. That gave me a week to get all my ducks in a row and to enjoy some time with family and friends. I had plenty of credit cards, student loans, car loans and other miscellaneous crap to handle before going into the program. I made sure to check them all of my list as I completed them, I wanted to make sure that I didn't have any "outside" worries or stressors hanging over my head when I came to FIRSTEP. I wanted to make sure that my mind would be clear and ready to take on this whole "sobriety" thing head on and full steam.
If you would've asked me on November 27th how I felt, I would've spewed out all sorts of negative adjectives and claimed that this was probably one of the worst things to ever happen to me. Looking back at it, it was pretty much just nerves. The "intake" process is kind of jarring - from filling out a stack of paperwork that is like an inch thick (or it seems like it!) to wearing over-sized scrubs while your clothing gets checked for bed bugs - and it's not a whole lot easier, going from the comfy life that I was living to willingly spend six months in a dorm full of 40 other guys. But every single guy that I met was MORE than nice. Guys of all different ages, shapes, sizes and backgrounds... they were all incredibly compassionate and ready to help me anyway I might've needed. So I stuck around. One day turned into two days, which turned into a week and so on...
Time has managed to fly by. They have me working in their office as a "Resident On Duty." I've made a lot of friends and met a lot of great guys. I have an actual "regular" journal that I have written in SO much since I've been here. I'm so aware of my thoughts and feelings and they just manage to pour out on to those pages. Now that I'm in front of a computer on a fairly regular basis, I can update on here as well. It'll give me something to look back at years from now and remember what it was like. I'll remember all of those awesome memories as well as some of those not-so-awesome ones and how I handled them.
I've only been a "client" (I prefer the term resident) of FIRSTEP for 18 days, but yesterday marked ONE MONTH of sobriety for me. I've managed to not drink for periods of 30 days or more in the past, but considering it actual "sobriety" is a stretch. I feel as if I'm actually WORKING a program. I'm physically, mentally and spiritually aware of AA from the moment they wake us up at 5:00AM (which takes some getting used to) to the moment they call for "lights out" at 10:30PM. I'm not doing it for Mom (although, her happiness IS a positive side effect) and I'm not doing it for Megan or anyone else. I'm doing this for ME...
No comments:
Post a Comment