If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm one of those weirdly sentimental people. The type of person that hates trading in my car, because of the "history" we've had... like I might hurt its feelings or something. After my old dog Larry ate my Easter candy one year, I BAWLED and cried in anger and frustration. It wasn't because I was a fat kid and my dog ate my candy, it was because of the fact that Mom didn't have a whole lot of money but still spent that money on candy and treats so that I would have a happy Easter. Certain things and events have meaning to them.
As far as sentiments go, I have an interesting history with the coins that I've gotten from Alcoholics Anonymous. Everything from that "desire" chip that doesn't have to be earned to those monthly chips. I think the biggest chip I've ever gotten was 11 months. It was just short of a year. If I want to look back at the biggest chip I've ever gotten while working an HONEST program... I'm honestly not sure. Whatever coin it was that I had in my pocket, it made a different "jingle" than just a regular coin you'd get out of a cash register. I'd hear that specific noise and it would refocus me on to AA. It would cause me to remember that, whether it was a 24-hour chip or a monthly chip, that if I can stay sober today I will have ANOTHER one of those chips to add to the collection.
There were times in the program that I liked the attention that came from standing up in front of the crowd and receiving a coin as they clapped for your achievement. Other times, I preferred to be a little more discreet. I'd either prefer to get my coin in a smaller meeting, sometimes I didn't get one at all. Usually, those were the times that I was kinda scraping the bottom, barely making it. I didn't feel worthy of standing in front of a crowd and receiving praise for a "job well done." Sometimes it was a legitimate feeling because I knew I wasn't working an honest program. There were other times that it was just another example of how I wasn't reaching out for help.
One time, when I had one of those "I really don't feel like getting my chip in front of people" moments, my sponsor Shannon shared an interesting perspective that I still remember today. I was thinking that the receiving of a sobriety chip was a way to congratulate me and give me praise for a job well done. Shannon suggested that, while there is definitely some positive affirmation to getting a chip in public, it is not the SOLE purpose of that ceremony. He talked about the fact that there can always be a brand new (or at least more new than I am) person to the program sitting in one of the seats. When that person sees someone stand up and get a monthly token, it is a sign of hope to that person that says "wow! There is an example of a person who is working the program and has made it that far! I think I can do it too!" It definitely made me feel a little selfish, but it made complete sense and is something I will try and remember from here on out.
My one month of sobriety came and went and I still haven't gotten a chance to go to a meeting to get my chip. By the time I have the next opportunity, it'll be nearly a month and a half. It was kind of frustrating at first, but then it just felt silly to get upset by it. We have a case here in the office for all of the chips. I grabbed a 24-hour coin as well as my one month. They're both jingling around in my pocket. These particular coins will be for me and will serve as a reminder. I definitely plan on earning many more of these bad boys, so maybe the NEXT one can serve as that sign of hope for a person who is new to the rooms of AA...
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