Recently, I was re-watching season 2 of "Stranger Things" on Netflix. I wanted to make sure that I was caught up on all of the action that was going to happen in season 3, so I needed a little refresher. Usually, when I've done this in the past, I find myself saying things like "oooh yeah! I remember this part!" or "Man! I remember hating this episode when I first saw it!" But I didn't really think/feel any of that when I was watching over the last few days. It was as if I was watching them for the first time. I had some basic vague ideas about certain bigger events, plot twists and character deaths. When it came to some of the smaller details, character-driven conversations and hidden Easter eggs, it was like I was watching it all for the first time. "Why?" I asked myself. I dug a little deeper and saw that the second season was released on October 27, 2017. It all made so much sense then. At that time, I was circling the drain. I was in a pretty dark spot. A little over two weeks later, I'd hit my bottom. Nineteen days later, I admitted myself to TRC for detox from alcohol addiction. A month later (November 27), I would begin my six month journey at Firstep.
I started this temporary thought process of "well, shit, what ELSE did I miss in that time period? What else did I miss out on over the 8+ years of dangerously heavy drinking?" Without wallowing in morbid reflection, the answer is a lot. There were several big "events" during those years that I should've been there for, but I wasn't. I was either drunk, occupied with drinking, recovering from the effects of drinking/withdrawal symptoms, or consumed by the thoughts of when/where I was going to get my next drink. Throw that on top of the other things that alcohol cost me, and it just becomes so astronomically clear how devastating this illness is when it's not taken seriously. Relationships, friendships, job opportunities... all down the tubes because I simply couldn't put the bottle down.
I have to warn myself, and I DEFINITELY share this warning with other people new into the program... do not get stuck in these thoughts for two long. Yeah, it's important to not forgot this type of information, but it can devolve into self-hatred/loathing SUPER quick. I speak from experience. Instead, if you feel yourself sinking back into these old thoughts, use it as a quick reminder and then turn it around to the present. I remind myself to stay super mindful of interactions of those around me, certain job experiences, those little curveballs life throws at me, failures and successes. That way, in the future, the only thing I might forget would be a certain important conversation between Mike and Will that happened in season two of "Stranger Things."
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