Conscious Contact...

It was suggested to me early on that a good way to start the day was to pray to your Higher Power (whatever that might be) and pray for help to stay sober throughout the day. So, it would also make sense that I should pray to my H.P. at the END of the day and thank Him/Her/It/Whatever and show gratitude for staying sober that day. I learned from the eleventh step that I have a much better shot at staying sober if I maintain a conscious contact with my H.P. throughout the day. We "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Of course, MY H.P. is the progressive, understanding and loving God that I was introduced to in the Episcopal Church and I believe has been with me through the good times and the bad. While I'm not necessarily a stereotypical "hit your knees" and pray type of guy, I do find it important to open that channel with God first thing in the morning. I can most definitely tell the difference in my mood and my behavior when I don't or have maybe skimped on the time or effort that I put into my morning prayer. You can call it prayer or meditation or whatever you want, but my time with God tends to be more conversational. Usually I turn on the shower and start with the thoughts of my day ahead. I think about things I have going on and what I need to do. I think of things I need to change in my behavior or attitude from the day(s) before. I think about how I can be the most useful to the people around me. Don't get me wrong, that sounds incredibly impressive all typed out, but it isn't always that way. Some days I figure the most useful I will be is to stay out of people's way or keep to myself because my piss-poor attitude needs to change before I can help others.

I try to keep the conversation going throughout the day. More often than not, life happens and the not-so helpful thoughts pop in. Most of the time, they are just selfish thoughts that are more consumed with money or whatever it is that I can do to further my own cause. I recently heard in a meeting that our minds were MADE to think and that I should just allow it to happen, but not grab on to the thoughts. Let it drift in and then let it drift right out. That makes a lot of sense, because I can be in the middle of some quiet time and I'll all of a sudden remember something else more pressing and urgent and then I get distracted until I complete that more urgent task or follow the other thought through to the end. Acknowledge the thought and that it is there, set it off to the side and continue on with the quiet time. That other stuff can wait.

When I finally crawl into bed, instead of thinking about all of the stuff that needs to be done, I try to stop and think about all the things that have been accomplished. Not just for that individual day, but for the last 20 months. I definitely don't toot my own horn, because I don't see it as being JUST me, but SO many things have changed and improved. I take the time to pray and meditate on that and give gratitude to God for getting me there and continuing to help me stay in a place where I can continue to get stuff done for myself AND to be useful to others. "Let the gratitude overflow into blessing all around you. THEN it will really be a good day."