A few nights ago, I was parked in one of the stalls at the Sonic on 19th street and enjoying what would probably be my last Oreo chocolate shake for a while (damn diet). I just happened to glance across Telephone Road over to the Walmart parking lot. It was pretty full, probably the usual for a Friday night. For some reason, instead of having the standard thought of "man I hate Walmart," the parking lot stirred up a totally random memory of a conversation that I had with a friend many years ago.
Let's rewind around 12 or 13 years ago. High school wasn't too distant of a memory. I was in college at the time, but I definitely don't think I had any "adulthood" in me. Life hadn't yet gone downhill, that's for sure. I hadn't moved out of my parents' home yet, but I had a good job and a nice car. A friend of mine, who I'll leave his name out for the sake of privacy, was having a rough go of life. He and his wife had gotten REALLY messed up in drugs and, from what I can remember, she seemed to be ready to clean up her act before he was. This resulted in them going their separate ways. When this happened, she moved to Kansas City and totally disappeared from contact. This was before Facebook or Messenger, so it's like she fell off the face of the earth. The last thing I heard was that she was working for some gas station...so sad, she had such potential. This left my friend here in Oklahoma, with pretty much nowhere to go. He had burned plenty of his bridges, which is definitely not an uncommon thing to do for us alcoholics or addicts. His home had become the back of his beat up old Saturn, which was parked in the parking lot of a Walmart.
I don't really remember the conversation. I was still super young, so I doubt I had anything useful or helpful to bring to the table. I do remember having this annoying feeling of moral or ethical superiority. I felt sad for him and scared that something would happen to him, but I was also unwilling to put myself out to do anything about it. I was leaning against my nice car as he sat on the trunk of his beige Saturn. I remember thinking "here you have this bright, young man. He may not have been a Rhodes scholar or anything, but he had potential." I believed in him. This jerk is throwing it all away because he chooses drugs over his family, friends and future. Long before I knew about the disease of addiction, I judged this young man for making these horrible choices, as if he had any choice to begin with. When we started high school together, he was probably a few rungs higher on the social ladder than I was. A "jock" type who came from a wealthier family. I probably never would've interacted with the guy had it not been for his wife, who was actually a good friend of mine when they started dating. Somehow, he and I clicked. We became friends. When his wife completely and totally vanished from the picture, he and I (gladly) kept in touch... at least for a while.
From what I remember, he continued to struggle for quite some time. My life continued to get better and better. As he declined and I made my way up the social ladder, he disappeared. He would pop onto my radar every once and a while, and I would TRY to maintain some sort of constant contact with him, but it would never last long. The years passed and from what I understood he kept trying to improve, but would face setbacks. We all know that, eventually, my climb up that ladder abruptly stopped and I took a steep nose dive. Call it karma or whatever, but I soon became the same person that I judged him for being. I was "choosing" alcohol over my family, friends and future. I threw away all potential I had.
This awesome guy reached out to me a few weeks ago and seems to be totally on the right track. Surprisingly, he and I are on the same track. He found those 12 steps and is working towards long term sobriety. From what it sounds like, life is good for him. I look forward to sharing our stories of where our addictions took us. However, I know ONE thing has definitely changed. I don't look down on him. He and I are definitely equals. I try to not look down on anyone. I'm no better or no worse. We're all on our own journeys.
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