"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
Step twelve lays it out there, pretty plain and simple. Once we "have it," we are supposed to turn around and give it away to the next struggling alcoholic or addict. I've said it many times, but I'll say it again... this time around, it has been step twelve that has made all of the difference in the world when it comes to my sobriety. I surrendered and asked for the help, and the people of Alcoholics Anonymous were there for me. They loved me until I could love myself. They showed me the way to solid ground. Once on solid footing, I stay sober today by (trying) to show the next alcoholic that same path and showing them that same empathy and love.
I've worked the twelfth step by chairing meetings, continuing to stay involved at FIRSTEP, by my work at Specialized Outpatient Services and by choosing to share my story on Facebook. Until this weekend, I had never taken a single 12th step call from the Intergroup hotline. Becky (my supervisor/friend/fellow AA'er) was answering the hotline on Saturday night and thought of me. She passed this man's information along to me. It totally made a great day even better. I think I had a positive impact on the man, at least I hope I planted that seed.
Before I go into that story, I've since learned that the hotline comes in two parts. There is the actual part where you are the person answering the hotline. You man the phone one night a month from 6 PM to 7 AM. You answer basic questions and can give the standard AA info. If you come across someone who needs to talk or needs a ride, you have the 12th step list. That is the second part. People who sign up for the 12th step list say that they are available at any time to talk to someone who needs someone to talk to about how to stop drinking. Since Saturday, I've signed up for both. I'm now answering the hotline every 5th Wednesday of the month (which happens like 3 times a year, but oh well) and I'm on the 12th step list to call people when needed.
Back to the main part of the story. I won't really go into the nitty gritty details of the story, but this was a man a lot like me. A part of him wanted the program, but he had never been able to string that much time sober together. He was quite sensitive like I was, where if someone even LOOKED at me the wrong way, that gave me a reason to go out and drink. He managed to get a little bit of time, but found himself in a situation where someone said something that made him want to jump off the beam. We had a really good conversation. It ended with him telling me, "thank you. Because of you, I'll stay sober tonight." That felt really good.
He went on to tell me that he wasn't sure about staying sober the next day, but I told him neither was I. Something could happen tomorrow that could make me want to drink, and I'm sure there are some liquor store owners that would LOVE to see me back. We both chuckled. But it was totally true! He may have been "closer," considering he already had the bottle... but I have that same sickness. I could've gone some wonky news or someone said something to me that could shoot me off the deep end and into the nearest bar. Luckily, it didn't happen.
We talked again some more the next day. Sadly, I think he probably did go out and drink. Maybe he just wasn't ready yet. Maybe he hadn't found that bottom. I pray he finds it soon and it isn't too hard of a bottom. I hope he remembers my name and my number and that I was a compassionate person that didn't judge. I know that I did what I could, my job is to carry the message... not to carry the alcoholic. So I'm ready and willing to take the next call and the one after that.
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