Life @ 35...

Flash back to 10 years ago...

25 was supposedly a big deal. Well, I thought that I was a big deal and so that meant me turning 25 was a big deal worth celebrating. My little group of friends spent a lot of time, effort and money and threw me a pretty awesome birthday party... complete with amazing barbecue, a DELICIOUS cake and lots and LOTS of booze. My brothers and their wives came out. If I can remember correctly (I can't remember much), I think my friends put in the effort to invite some co-workers out too. It was a lovely evening... or it WOULD'VE been lovely, if my budding alcoholism had not totally trashed it. By the end of that night, or more like the next morning... It was about this time that I had started to realize a few things about myself, and some of them were definitely not pleasant.

On the surface, I had my shit together. I was young and skinny (oh so pretty). I had a job that paid me more than I was worth. I had a place of my own (well, sorta on my own... my roommate was never home, which was AWESOME).  I was plugging along in school. I had a booming social life.  Life was fairly picturesque for 25 year old John.

On the inside, I may have had my youth but I was NOT healthy. Little did I know that the job was soon going to be on very thin ice and fail me (or I guess I failed it). The roommate eventually asked me to move out. I may have been in school, but I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life. My social life was so shallow and I was about to run away the few loyal friends that I had. It wasn't nearly as pretty as it looked. I was realizing that my sexuality, even as a recently "out" gay man, wasn't as black and white. And, to top it all off, I was starting to come to terms that I might have a problem with alcoholism.

You definitely know the story, that alcoholism definitely blossomed over the next decade. But it isn't the nightmare it sounds like it would be. Believe it or not, it DOES have a happy ending...

Now, I've taken the pain and experiences and turned it into a career working with others struggling with addiction issues. I finished my first degree and am well on my way into my second one, with a VERY clear picture of what I want to do "when I grow up." I may not be in the best shape of my life, but I've learned that health is so much more than just physical. I've accepted that sexuality isn't black and white. I've found someone that I'm more than happy with and is happy with me. She accepts me for me and loves every bit of it. It may be small in number, but I have the best group of friends I ever could have asked for. Plus, I'm actually on good terms with my family... and I love my family.

Corona definitely throws some curveballs into the first 24 hours of my new year, but I know this is only temporary. Things will either go back to "normal"... or they won't. If they don't, I have a program and people that teach me that I can adapt and grow and accept the things that I cannot change... but remembering to have the courage to change the things that I can. With the state of things, it is odd to feel optimistic about the upcoming year. But I am. I'm going to make the best of it. I'm excited to see what #35 has in store for me.

The Quarantine Cut...

An unforeseen circumstance to a worldwide pandemic is the need to close the majority of businesses that serve the public to limit exposure. That means restaurants, movie theaters, gyms, retail stores like Best Buy or JC Penney... and hair salons. When local and state governments made the move to shut stuff down, it was like March 16th-ish, and I wasn't QUITE in dire need of a cut yet... but man, was I close. I thought I had the tenacity to tough it out and make it until stuff started re-opening. "I'd be glad to cut your hair, if you want," Megan kept offering. I would violently shake my head in protest. Nope. She'd botch the job and I'd wind up hating her forever (okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but you get the point).

A month in and my hair was getting quite woolly. As soon as it started doing that annoying thing where it was going over my ears and curling, I had had enough. I snapped. I started making comments about being willing to just buzz it off myself. The buzz cut was NOT a good look on me, I looked like a fat fuzz ball or a real life version of Bobby from "King of the Hill..." but I was willing. Megan would gently remind me that her offer still stood. What did I have to lose? If she DID botch it, I was already to the point where I was willing to buzz it... so I could just chop it off. So here goes nothing.

We got the clippers from my parents and set up shop in our bathroom. Megan went to town. I offered very little help, other than to give her a hard time and make panicky/sobby faces or occasionally throwing out a random chuckle or whimper. There was some discussion on where to do the fade. Lower? Or higher up? Whoa... that's high. I look like I'm in the military now. :-) It was a challenge to make sure sideburns and stuff were even, but she did pretty dang good. Just one random buzz on the back of my head, where she took it too close... but even that isn't that bad. I had a coworker today tell me today that it just looked like a natural bald spot. NO! I'M NOT BALD! lol

After it was all said and done... the cut looked good and felt GREAT! There was hair E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  We definitely learned a few things that we would do differently IF we have to do thing. It'll probably be a buzz cut. It's getting done in the garage. Shake the towels/clothes off in the trash can instead of throwing them (full of hair) directly into the washing machine. Once we got cleaned up and rested... I was quite pleased with my new quarantine cut. Megan was quite pleased with herself. This was just another example of how I'm pretty fortunate to have an awesome partner to "self isolate" with.

A (TV) Review for YOU! Special... A Return to "Hill House..."

"The Haunting of Hill House" debuted to unsuspecting audiences around the world in October of 2018. The limited series on Netflix was presented as a totally different spin on the novel of the same name by Jackson and/or a different take on the movie "The Haunting" starring Liam Neeson that came out in 1999. I haven't had a chance to read the book (Megan says that it's good, just VERY different than the series) yet, but I can tell you that it is a MASSIVE improvement on the movie that came out in '99. Man, that movie sucked...

ANYWAYS... I originally watched the series shortly after it came out. I watched a couple of the episodes and then decided that I wanted to try and get Megan hooked into it as well. I definitely did. Our "vacation" to Dallas wound up turning into us dividing up time between a hotel room binge-fest of the show and occasionally running downstairs to the pool/hot tub. It was a surprisingly awesome little trip! Megan would (probably) say that the best part of the trip was going down to Magnolia/Waco. I would say it was finishing the show up in our room, and the scary and/or funny times we had.

Funny times, you say? Yep. Let me tell you about probably one of the funniest things that has EVER happened to me. One of the last nights we were there, Megan and I had the TV turned up louder than usual, to compete with the room next to us . During an intense conversation in one of the later episodes (I won't tell you which one) there is probably one of the best BOO! GOTCHA! moments I've ever experienced in any sort of movie or tv show. EVER. So amazing. Anyways, that scene happened... which caused Megan to scream very loudly and me to yell out "FUUUUUUUUUUU..." (you get the point) even louder. The room next to us got temporarily quiet lol. We eventually finished the series, checked out of the hotel and made our way back home. A great trip and an AWESOME show.

Recently, I was searching for something to "watch" while I did my homework (aka... have it on in the background while I write. I can sorta kinda pay attention to it or leave it) or during periods where I wanted to nap. For some reason I decided to watch this. It COMPLETELY failed, because I wasn't able to just "sorta kinda" pay attention and I most definitely wasn't able to nap. It captured my full-on attention again. Not quite two years later, and I had forgotten that the show was that good.

I'll skip the brief plot analysis. You probably know it by now. Or, at least, you should. The character development is top notch. They found such a great way to put together these great stories for the characters as individuals as well as how the characters interact with the group as a whole. Just like the Walking Dead is really a character-driven show that just happens to have zombies in it, "Haunting of Hill House" is a very character-driven show that just happens to take place partially in a haunted mansion. However, the mansion itself does become a sort of secondary character. You find yourself wanting to learn about its story or how it became the way it is when we first see it.

Out of 10 episodes, there are like maybe FIVE good BOO! GOTCHA! moments. But there are plenty of times where you are on the edge of your seating waiting for one. Usually, in scary movies, we DREAD dialogue. Like, just get to the scary part already! I think, in "Haunting," the dialogue really is the cherry on top of the show. The intense, yet thoughtful conversations between sisters Theo and Shirley as they drive down the road... or the conversation between son Steve with his father Hugh. It was definitely an impeccable screen play but it was the amazing performance from the actors that brought it home. I'm surprised there weren't more awards given out for it, especially for Oliver Jackson-Cohen for his portrayal of adult Luke Crain or Kate Siegel for her portrayal of adult Theo Crain. Near perfect!

Chances are you've already watched it. If not, watch it. If you have, watch it again... especially to go back and find all the "hidden" ghosts throughout every episode. Pretty cool. I give this TV show a haunting 9.5 out of 10!!!

The Year of the 'Rona...

I was at home on March 12, when I watched officials decide to call off the game between the Thunder and the Utah Jazz, out of concern about COVID-19. It was a bit of silliness really, if you asked me. This was just a big, overgrown version of the flu.

As program coordinator for FIRSTEP, I had talked with various group leaders and other volunteers that come out to the center about what policies we had in place to prevent the spread of Coronavirus. Spread? What spread?? One by one, they all decided to start cancelling services until further notice. I totally respected their decision, but I didn't quite understand. After all, it was just a big, overgrown version of the flu!

Over that weekend, life seemed to change dramatically. It was the last time I got to hug my parents. Stories began to hit the news about hoarding of toilet paper and other "essential" items at the grocery store. I went to Sam's to pick up a few things, but nothing too extreme. They had a little bit of toilet paper, but absolutely NO soap or other cleaning supplies. People were taking this awfully seriously, for just a big version of the flu...

Monday came along and we heard news that our corporate office had made the decision to effectively put the center on "lock down." No more passes or visitation, we also wouldn't be accepting any new clients until further notice. I knew this was going to go over like a turd in a punch bowl, and it did. We had a handful of clients leave, those that stayed behind were pretty unhappy and made sure we knew about it.

I started to read up on it. I started to take it seriously. I went to the store to get a few more things, because I didn't want to have to go back for a while. The store was BARE. It was stark. It was scary. I honestly had to fight back the tears, because I didn't know what to think. For the first time in a while, I thought that one of those bottles of wine they sell in stores now might be a good idea... but no, I can't do that. I called my Mom. Asked her if she needed anything. I was able to get her a small little turkey breast. Helping her made me feel better. Now I just needed to get out of there.

Before too long, Oklahoma had it's first official case... but it was up in Tulsa. No big deal. He had just flown in from overseas and hadn't had any exposure. We can beat this. Then another one popped up, then another. Then we got the first case in Oklahoma City. Then the first one happened in Cleveland county. Then it just EXPLODED. It seemed overnight we couldn't keep up with the number of new cases... and the number of people dying from this new disease.

Here we are, a little over a month later since this debacle started. It's been five days since I last posted and the number of infected has blown up to nearly 140,000. We have lost 108 souls in Oklahoma. Some "experts" state that we are at the peak, or at least near it. Once we hit that peak, it can only get better from here. But then you listen to other experts, and some think that we might have to practice some form of social distancing at least until 2022 or until a vaccine is in widespread distribution. I don't think we'll ever return TOTALLY to the way it was before this whole thing happened, but I can only pray for some form of "normalcy" and that it happens sooner rather than later.

Quarantine N Chill...

It has been 99 days since the last time that I posted. Yikes. Sorry about that...

At about the 30 day mark, I was thinking that the BIGGEST change in life would be the fact that Megan and I had made the decision to take an "until further notice" break from going out to the movies almost every weekend. This was due to the fact that we were at the AMC theater in Penn Square during a shooting and it, needless to say, left a bad taste in our mouths. We were fine... but we had a pretty bad case of movie theater PTSD.

Life continued. We still went to work. We eventually did make it back to the movie theater... a DIFFERENT movie theater. It was a one-time thing, a special event with a friend. It was totally worth it, but we were still a-ok with not going. I started my SECOND semester of grad school. It's been a doozy, but I've enjoyed it overall. I've started the process of getting ready to do practicum work in the summer. It should be a fun and exciting experience (hopefully).

At about the 60 day mark, the anxiety-inducing feelings that came along with that event started to subside. We readjusted to our "new normal" and found out new things to do on weekends. It was nice too, because it helped put some money back in our pockets.. which was desperately needed since we had FINALLY MOVED IN TOGETHER. We wound up finding a cute little house in Moore. I moved in at the end of February, she moved in a few weeks later. It's a great house in a great neighborhood. It's just overall a really good fit. We seem to be pretty happy. It hasn't been a PERFECT transition, but most of that is due to situations that are definitely out of our hands. 

At about... oh, I dunno, like the 80 day mark, we've had plenty of new words thrown into our everyday vocabulary. "COVID," "CORONAVIRUS," "SOCIAL DISTANCING," "SELF-ISOLATION," "FAUCI.," "PANDEMIC."  All words that I didn't think I'd be using on a fairly regular basis. A new virus first hit the states in late February, early March. Things really changed in Oklahoma on March 16th. Firstep initiated some pretty strict lockdown protocol. Megan started working from home. We haven't been able to see our families, for fear of unknowingly spreading the virus to them. They encourage wearing masks in public. Over 100,000 people have died worldwide since this whole ordeal has started. There have been 88 deaths in Oklahoma. There are just sometimes it seems like something out of a bad horror film. We all just kinda seem to do what we can day-in and day-out, hoping that eventually we'll find some sort of "normal" again.

So... here we are at 99 days later. Some experts are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. People are starting to get cautiously optimistic. We are doing what we can to "flatten the curve," but still manage to live a "normal" life. Megan and I worked today, I got home and napped and then we picked up some dinner and watched some wrestling. We are SO fortunate. So blessed. There are millions of people out there who have lost their jobs because of this. There are thousands of people out there who have died because of this. If the only thing I face is an inconvenience because I have to wear a mask in public? Or an inability to visit places I love, like Vintage Stock or Best Buy? Hell yeah, I'm blessed.