Life @ 35...

Flash back to 10 years ago...

25 was supposedly a big deal. Well, I thought that I was a big deal and so that meant me turning 25 was a big deal worth celebrating. My little group of friends spent a lot of time, effort and money and threw me a pretty awesome birthday party... complete with amazing barbecue, a DELICIOUS cake and lots and LOTS of booze. My brothers and their wives came out. If I can remember correctly (I can't remember much), I think my friends put in the effort to invite some co-workers out too. It was a lovely evening... or it WOULD'VE been lovely, if my budding alcoholism had not totally trashed it. By the end of that night, or more like the next morning... It was about this time that I had started to realize a few things about myself, and some of them were definitely not pleasant.

On the surface, I had my shit together. I was young and skinny (oh so pretty). I had a job that paid me more than I was worth. I had a place of my own (well, sorta on my own... my roommate was never home, which was AWESOME).  I was plugging along in school. I had a booming social life.  Life was fairly picturesque for 25 year old John.

On the inside, I may have had my youth but I was NOT healthy. Little did I know that the job was soon going to be on very thin ice and fail me (or I guess I failed it). The roommate eventually asked me to move out. I may have been in school, but I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life. My social life was so shallow and I was about to run away the few loyal friends that I had. It wasn't nearly as pretty as it looked. I was realizing that my sexuality, even as a recently "out" gay man, wasn't as black and white. And, to top it all off, I was starting to come to terms that I might have a problem with alcoholism.

You definitely know the story, that alcoholism definitely blossomed over the next decade. But it isn't the nightmare it sounds like it would be. Believe it or not, it DOES have a happy ending...

Now, I've taken the pain and experiences and turned it into a career working with others struggling with addiction issues. I finished my first degree and am well on my way into my second one, with a VERY clear picture of what I want to do "when I grow up." I may not be in the best shape of my life, but I've learned that health is so much more than just physical. I've accepted that sexuality isn't black and white. I've found someone that I'm more than happy with and is happy with me. She accepts me for me and loves every bit of it. It may be small in number, but I have the best group of friends I ever could have asked for. Plus, I'm actually on good terms with my family... and I love my family.

Corona definitely throws some curveballs into the first 24 hours of my new year, but I know this is only temporary. Things will either go back to "normal"... or they won't. If they don't, I have a program and people that teach me that I can adapt and grow and accept the things that I cannot change... but remembering to have the courage to change the things that I can. With the state of things, it is odd to feel optimistic about the upcoming year. But I am. I'm going to make the best of it. I'm excited to see what #35 has in store for me.