So, more often than not, my desire to go to LLL on a Thursday night gets outvoted. When it DOESN'T get outvoted, usually something pops up - a "mandatory" community meeting, special guest speaker or something as simple as the driver changed his mind and decided to go to somewhere else (usually an NA meeting). Last week, we wound up not going because Jonas got SUPER sick before it was time to leave for the meeting. I mean, come on, I'm not THAT heartless to where I throw a fit because a man is too sick to drive me across town to the meeting of my choice?!
It has actually helped me understand and accept the fact that I don't always get what I want. It's SO much easier to just go with the flow or "flip over and float," than get all worked up and pissed off that things aren't going my way. Keeping that somewhat positive attitude towards it all helps that when things DO go my way, I'm extra appreciative and grateful.
Jonas started promising me on Wednesday night that we would go to the LLL meeting on Thursday. I smiled, said "awesome!" and nodded my head in agreement. Internally, I was choosing to have that "I'll believe it when I see it" stance. Throughout Thursday, it seemed as if things kept falling into place that were going to make it NOT happen... just as I predicted. He told us to be ready by 6:30, I was ready by 6:15. I went to the office and was given a note from Jonathan saying that it was going to be closer to 6:45-6:50 before he'd be able to leave. A-HA! I KNEW IT! I was going to be right once again. But lo and behold, at around 6:50 Jonas whipped around the corner and picked us up with not a second to spare.
Roger, one of the other guys on the bus called out to me and was telling me how he had never seen Jonas push the limits like that before when it came to legal driving skills and potentially tip-toeing over the speed limit. "He just kept saying that he made a PROMISE to you and that he wasn't going to break it again!" I couldn't help but have the warm fuzzies on the inside, Jonas was working his tail off to make sure that I got a chance to go to my home group, and I hadn't even had the opportunity to tell him the reason as to why I wanted to go so bad (this week especially). Last Sunday was actually my TWO MONTH-iversary of being sober. We remember from LAST month that I didn't get my chip in an actual meeting, so I was REALLY hoping I'd get to for this month.
The meeting was great, I got to see a lot of my people: Phillip, Charlie, Jerry, Shannon and Spencer. It was an awesome FULL house. The meeting was over the eighth step. I was even able to share! Jonas called on me! I talked about how, even though I was on the fourth step, I had worked an eight before. This time around was different because I was starting to see people that were on my fourth step list before, but that they are no longer there. I was hopeful that this meant that I was taking much more responsibility for my actions and NOT holding resentments against people for them... That being said, just because they are no longer on my fourth step list, doesn't mean they disappear from my eighth step list as well. It doesn't change the fact that I have wronged these people and need to make my amends. At "halftime," I even managed to get my chip! A couple of days late, but hey, it's the thought that counts. I said that I was only able to do it with the help of God, my friends and family, my sponsor and the awesome guys at FIRSTEP.
I'd say I was in a pretty good mood on the way back home, I know I definitely expressed my thanks to Jonas. I said THANK YOU to him about a dozen times and bought him a big Dr. Pepper from Oncue. I know it's difficult to be around 70 guys and hear 70 different opinions or suggestions on where to go or what to do. I AM grateful that he picks mine every once and a while. I hopefully can make sure that I'm not one of those little whiney punks that complains when he DOESN'T pick mine...
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