The Path to the Darkside...

I have a confession to make...

I don't like feelings.

Yup, I hate to break it to you. During my pre-Firstep days, I was quite fond of stuffing my feelings deep down into my gut. Usually, once they were down there, I would tend to then go on and drown them with whatever type of alcohol I had on hand. Anxiety? Stuff it and drown it. Frustration? Stuff and drown. Confusion? Disappointment? Sadness? Stuff, stuff, stuff, drown, drown, drown! I wasn't even really a fan of some types of happiness or joy. They were usually met with some sort of skepticism or doubt, which would cause me to, you guessed it... drown it all and just return to that sense of comfortable numbness and oblivion.

Now my life is all about trying my best to be honest with myself (and others) about those feelings. Acknowledging that they are there, they exist and they are legitimate. Luckily, life so far has been full of plenty of times of happiness and joy. I've gotten to bask in those times, trust that they aren't some sort of trick or scheme and just let them happen. Unfortunately, that also means I have to deal with the not-so-good times. In the last year or so, I've definitely experienced sadness, anxiety and PLENTY of frustration and anger. But it's all about how I handle those negative feelings that makes all the difference.

For whatever reason, or for no real reason whatsoever (I guess it could be either), I've noticed that I feel really on edge lately. Part of me feels like it might be because of the fact that I added the extra stress of school into the picture and I'm trying to adapt and get used to it. The other part of me thinks that it might be because of various stresses happening at work. I guess it really doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it doesn't take a whole lot to get me pushed into a slight meltdown or irrational anger. Luckily, nowadays, I'm able to identify it relatively quickly and do SOMETHING to get it under control as soon as possible. More often than not, I think I'm able to calm the storm before anything happens... occasionally I let something slip out on accident that causes someone to think "sheesh, John's pissed."

Feelings like that make me nervous. I don't LIKE feeling like that, because I know exactly what it can lead to if I'm not careful. It makes me think of Star Wars (hence the picture), where Yoda is warning a young Anakin Skywalker of the dangers that come along with his constant feelings of anger and frustration. "FEAR is the path to the darkside. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Anakin OBVIOUSLY didn't listen, because look what he went and did shortly after that...

Now, don't worry, I don't plan on going and killing a bunch of Jedi younglings anytime soon. I just know that I need to continue to be mindful of my feelings. Work on them. Maybe start making decisions and doing some things to try and avoid feeling like that to begin with. We'll see! It's a new day!

Sobriety: The Best Insurance Possible...

Despite the fact that I "graduated" in 2015... complete with cap, gown and the whole walking ceremony... the University of Oklahoma reminded me that I still had these two classes remaining before they would be willing to give me that little piece of paper that says I'm officially a college graduate. Back in 2015, my priorities were skewed (that's putting it gently) and I totally BOMBED two of my elective courses. I wanted to step away from school for a semester and attempt to put my head back on straight, and that one semester very quickly turned into four years.

So, life is quite different nowadays, and I'm two weeks into my LAST semester (hopefully) as an undergraduate student at OU. It is definitely challenging to get back into the swing of things, but I seem to be doing pretty well. It IS difficult, however, to justify spending the time to sit down and write a blog entry, when I can sit there and think "hmm... I also need to write two papers for my non-western art class." I just wrapped up the first (of four) units, and I successfully turned in ALL assignments on time. That consisted of a LOT of reading, two papers, four chapter tests, four mini-tests and participation in three discussion boards. When I open up the internet, the tab for "Candid Thoughts" is right next to the various tabs I need for school... so, I apologize ahead of time if I don't post AS often for the next two months. I promise I'll try!

But, like I said, I finished the first unit! I'm going to take a day or two breather before jumping into unit two, so I thought I'd sit down and write a little something. One of the ideas I've had rattling around in my head came to me a few weeks ago after a Thursday night meeting. A guy in the meeting began talking about how, while in the middle of his addiction, his priorities became skewed (I can relate) and he would allow his homeowner's insurance to lapse. He had inherited his home from his family and could not afford to keep it insured. If something were to happen to it, he wouldn't be able to do anything... because he chose his addiction over his family home. He said that he found that to be one of the most distressing parts of his addiction, why he would choose drugs and alcohol over something so important to him. Now, he was six or seven months into sobriety and was able to purchase a new homeowner's insurance policy. It was so simple and something he would possibly never even use, but it was nice to have around "just in case."

My mind began to churn around this comparison of insurance to working a program in sobriety. Stay with me here... So, I currently have a car insurance policy through USAA. I HOPEFULLY will never have to use it. Using the insurance usually means that I was in some sort of car accident or something went so terribly wrong with my car and I can't afford to fix it. I'm only going to use it when something not-so-good happens in life. Similar to the man from the meeting's homeowner's policy. He'll only have to use it if something really bad happens or breaks down in his home and he can't afford to fix it. In sobriety, I have insurance in the form of my program and support system. That program consists of meetings, working with my sponsor, working with my sponsees and service work for the next struggling alcoholic. That insures that I stay sober every day.

So, I continue to make my payment for insurance by participating in the program. When life inevitably has a rough moment, I can file a "claim" on my program and reach out for help. If I ever find myself in a situation where I would've normally drank, I can turn to that program instead and hopefully stay sober. If I stop going to meetings and participating in the program, I won't have anything to reach out for and the likelihood of me going out to drink again becomes much higher.

Life continues to be pretty fantastic right now. Even though I'm happy and content, I'm going to continue making those payments. Hopefully it will be a long, long time before I have to file that claim... but if I do have to, I know that I have that program and support system there to insure that I don't have to drink again...

Progress not Perfection...

In what seems like a bajillion years ago, I got my very first tattoo. The inspiration came from the cross that hangs above the altar of my former home church, St. James Episcopal. I knew that, a few weeks later, I would be making the BAD decision to move to Dallas... and I needed something that would remind me of God, my family and my home. As I made that move, life would continue to get MUCH darker and that simple cross on my bicep, albeit clichéd, constantly reminded me that I would ALWAYS be welcome back home. No matter what. In the end, it took much more than just a simple reminder to save me, but I believe that it played a part in keeping me going every day...

Flash forward to this past Christmas. Life is SO much different than when I got my cross tattoo. In 2018, I spent six months in an inpatient substance abuse treatment center and graduated from that program in May. Shortly after, I started working for a job that I absolutely LOVE and could see my self staying in this organization for a long time. I started the wheels rolling for me to get back into school and finally finish my bachelor's degree. I've rebuilt and strengthened so many relationships and friendships. Throughout all of it, I have worked a strong program of sobriety. I have worked with my sponsor as well as my sponsees and stayed connected with the treatment center that helped teach me the tools to stay sober. For the first time in my seven plus years of this program, I've finally reached ONE YEAR of sobriety. It was a big deal. But, I don't plan on resting on my laurels. I don't think I get to sit back and relax, because I have to this thing kicked. Quite the opposite.

So, the day after Christmas, I bought myself a little belated present. I got a new tattoo! Like the first one, it definitely serves a purpose. The triangle, the symbol of AA, reminds me of my disease. I will be able to look at that forearm every day and be like "oh, yeah! That's right!" More importantly, the quote "progress, not perfection" reminds me to cut myself a break. "We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

I'm gonna screw up. A lot. The tattoo reminds me that as long as I am aiming towards that progress, then my toes are facing in the right direction. I can't get too down on myself or beat myself up. Well, not TOO much. I think the tattoo is a great gift and a great tool to help me on a daily basis as I trudge along this road of happy destiny...

Don't Pull The Trigger...

On Thursday, at 430 days sober, I had this HUGE revelation. It was a definite "A-HA!" moment for me and definitely something that I can add to my "spiritual tool belt" to use for future reference. It came to me during my regular bi-annual checkup with my doctor. All was well with the doc, he was quite pleased with my weight loss. Because of that, my blood pressure and my heart rate were doing a lot better. It had also been about a year since LAST time I saw my doctor, so the last time I saw him was while I was still a resident of Firstep. I remember, during that time, that I was clinging on pretty tightly to that first step, and was willing to do just about anything to stay sober. But it was still so new to me, and I was still really new to being honest with myself and others about how I felt. This time around, he was elated to see that I had just celebrated 14 months of sobriety. I showed him my one year chip and my tattoo.

 (Oh yeah, *IDEA!* I don't think I've done a blog entry about my tattoo yet, have I?!)

I shared with him about working with my sponsor and finally making it through the twelve steps. I briefly talked about my two sponsees, getting to work with them and what kind of sponsor I am for them. I don't think he could've been any happier, hearing that I was FINALLY on the right path... after plenty of years struggling to find it. He then went on to ask me if I had been able to identify the emotion and the trigger behind what makes me drink. I'm not sure why, but the question used to frustrate me to no end. Maybe because I didn't want to look for what it was that was triggering me to drink... because I didn't actually want to quit drinking yet? I seem to remember also thinking that the question was oversimplified... like, if it was THAT easy, I'd find that trigger and eliminate it. Whatever the reason, I think I was really too stubborn to look into it much deeper.

So, he asked the question again. I honestly hadn't even thought about it... but we started talking about it. I told him I think it all boiled down to shame. Whoa. I think I might be on to something here... So, of course I was ashamed of who I had become and the things I was doing. You would think a simple answer would be to do what was necessary to change who you had become and STOP doing those things you were doing. Start changing your life and do the next right thing. That shame would go away and everything will be alright, right? Wrong.

That shame would come creeping in through the back door when I would start to feel that craving for alcohol. For whatever reason... I was happy, I was sad, the sky was blue, the day ended in "Y," or whatever else... a craving would hit. Man, a drink sure sounds good. A cocktail sure sounds nice. I remember that, whenever I would be doing (insert random activity here), I would usually enjoy a drink. Man, I'd love to experience that fuzzy feeling. A simple craving like that, and I automatically would get down on myself and think "well, shit. I'm doing something wrong" or "I'm not good enough since I'm still thinking about it." I'd hide those feelings, I would be ashamed to admit that I was still having the cravings. That shame would kick in high gear, and one of the only things that can stop that shame is to drown it in vodka. Thus, starting that vicious cycle over again.

I know now, that even alcoholics with years of sobriety under their belt can have cravings. My doctor mentioned that my drinking years hard-wired my brain to always go to or think about alcohol. It is going to take more than just a little bit of sobriety to make that go away. The difference is what you do with those thoughts and cravings. Today, I choose to talk about them and share when they are happening. There is no shame involved. When I think about that craving, I play the whole tape through... what would happen? If experience tells me anything, it says that I MIGHT get away with the first time. Nothing big would happen. Maybe. But what about the second time? Eventually shit is going to go south and things will start to get bad... like they always do. If I keep doing the next right thing and stay open and honest about how I'm feeling... that feeling of shame won't have the power over me like it used to. What a relief!

A Movie Review For You! "Escape Room"

A group of strangers, who (on the surface) all appear to have nothing in common, are locked in a game (monitored by some unknown source) that winds up having deadly consequences. As they make it (well, most of them) from puzzle to puzzle, you begin to suspect that these people that were chosen to solve them might NOT be so random. Each puzzle is meant to expose and mock some deep dark secret of their personal lives... and then, if they don't solve them in a timely (and correct) manner, people start to die.

No, this is not a movie review for the latest in the "Saw" movie franchise. Instead, this is the basic plot for the new movie "Escape Room." It doesn't really have any "celebrity" stars, just a few people who you stop and think to yourself "hey, I've seen them in _____." One of the girls played a teenage vampire in the HBO show "True Blood," while one of the guys recently played a Canadian Mountie in "Super Troopers 2." Other than that... nothing. Which is ok, you don't necessarily need A-list stars to make a good movie. Sometimes, it actually makes it better. So you have a movie that is riding the wave of popularity for these new "escape rooms" that seem to be popping up everywhere. I've never really had a desire to PAY someone to lock me in a room and see if I'm smart enough to escape...

The movie begins with a young male trying to escape from a room that looks like some sort of library. He falls in through the roof and immediately begins looking for clues to help him escape, as the walls begin to close in on him. Does he escape? Does he survive? I guess we'll find out. The scene ends and it cuts to something like "three days earlier." The story follows three individuals: a young college-aged girl named Zoey (played by Taylor Russell, she played Judy in the recent "Lost in Space" Netflix series), an eager young stockbroker named Jason (played by Jay Ellis, he's apparently had a lot of small TV roles) and a downtrodden grocery store employee named Ben (played by Logan Miller, who actually played the character Ben on "The Walking Dead" as well... I knew I knew him from somewhere) and picks up their lives as they are each given this mysterious box that points them to play this escape room for a chance to win big bucks.

Apparently, they all decided to play the game, as the next scene is them all showing up to this big building and checking in to the lobby before the game starts. They meet up with four other characters (who apparently had less important stories... so you just KNOW that they are going to die) and they soon find out that the lobby isn't actually a lobby. It's the first in the series of rooms that they have to escape if they want to survive.

Although the movie is incredibly close to the plot of the Saw movies, I'd have to say I definitely still enjoyed it. It was as if they took the plot from Saw, but made it a lot less gory... because, there in the end, all those Saw movies became was just "let's find different and more shocking ways to kill people." I was initially bummed, because I thought that they set up the beginning of the movie to where it was REALLY easy to pick out who was going to live or die. They did throw in a nice little twist in there. It was like "HA! You thought you knew what was going to happen!" And.... blam, now we have a setup for a sequel! It will be dubbed "Escape Room 2: An Even Escapier Room."

It wasn't the best... but it definitely wasn't the worst. None of the escape rooms contained battle shrimp... and for that, I'll give it a 7 out of 10.

The John Show: A True Story of Paranoia at its Finest...

1998-1999 was a REALLY weird time in movies. For some odd reason, the movie studios put out near-duplicate movies, with just small plot differences and differences in the movie titles. You had the end-of-the-world asteroid movies with "Deep Impact" and "Armageddon," (the latter I think made much more money in the box office and is probably more well known in the world of pop culture... but I definitely preferred "Deep Impact). You also had the two insect-related computer-animated movies with "A Bug's Life" and "Antz." I honestly couldn't tell you much about the plot lines of either of those to pick a favorite.

It was also around this time that "reality tv" began to gain popularity in America with shows like "Big Brother" and "Survivor." So, movie studios caught on to the popularity and made TWO movies with an interesting take on reality television. You had "the Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey, about Truman (duh) who was a child that was purchased by a TV studio and was raised in a fictional setting and every aspect of his life was filmed and turned into entertainment, unbeknownst to Truman. Out of the two, I think I preferred this movie. I think it was a more serious take on reality television and the idea of what would happen once Truman starts to think that maybe every part of his life is being recorded and watched...

The other, sillier version was "Edtv," starring Matthew McConaughey. It was about "Ed," a simple video rental store employee who signed a big fancy contract with a television studio to have every aspect of his life recorded and shared with the world. As it begins to intrude on every part of his life, Ed tries to get out of the contract and the television studio refuses to let him go without threats of legal battles and coming after his family. A sweet, funny story starring McConaughey, Jenna Elfman (Dharma from "Dharma and Greg") and a not-as-well-known comedian named Ellen Degeneres. 

The two movies pose an interesting question on whether or not something like these stories COULD happen (or if they should) and whether or not my life would even make a remotely interesting reality television show. As a sober guy with my head on straight(ish), the answer to that is (of course) an overwhelming NO. But, in the past, that definitely didn't stop my mind from wandering and thinking about the alternatives. First of all, I was definitely paranoid... day in/day out. No matter what. No matter if I was doing something wrong. Well, I was always trying to hide at least ONE part of my life. Things like, hiding my own alcohol in my own apartment... even though I lived alone. Yeah. It makes no sense, but things like that seemed "normal to me." I don't think I ever got to the extremes of thinking to myself that I was being filmed at all times... but I wasn't too far off. Normal things for me were thinking that, if you were any sort of quiet or anything, that you were mad at me. If people were off talking with someone (ESPECIALLY if a door was closed), that meant you were talking about me. There might have been a time or two where I thought to myself "that car has been following me around for a while..." Alcoholism can do some really weird things to you, man.

It's all because I was living this massive lie. On the surface, I tried to put out this image of a guy trying to hold it together. I had a decent-ish job. I tried to make it seem as if I had the desire to improve things, but I really didn't. Under the surface, I had so many different lies going on at one time, it became a full time job in itself just remembering which lie was which. I was so ashamed of myself and had such a self-hatred, the last thing I wanted is for people to find out... and then THEY would hate me and be ashamed of me as well. Anybody that acted slightly weird or seemed out of place, automatically was someone or something that was about to find out how bad it really was. Of course, all of that got blown out of the water in November of 2017... and I found out that, even though I hated myself, I had plenty of friends and family who loved me and wanted nothing but the best for me. I didn't have to live like that anymore. I don't think like that anymore. No one is out to get me. People aren't always talking about me behind my back.

Now, if a police officer is behind me, that's a totally different story...

A Movie Review for YOU! "Aquaman"

So, I'm definitely a sucker for cheesy comic book/action movies. My absolute favorites are any of the movies from the "DC" Extended Universe (Batman, Superman, Flash, Green Arrow, etc). While he is probably one of my LEAST favorite of the DCEU, I figured an Aquaman movie might still have a chance at being pretty good. When I heard that Jason Momoa (from "Game of Thrones" fame) would be pegged to play Arthur Curry's Aquaman, I was like... okay, maybe. When I learned that it was going to be directed by James Wan, who has directed more dark horror story-like films such as the "Saw" franchise as well as "The Conjuring," I was like... okay, so maybe this film might have more of an adult/mature/gritty-like appearance. It is in the same universe as Batman, so okay! I like how this is turning out! Well... not so much.

As previously mentioned, Momoa plays Arthur Curry, a half man/half Atlantean (someone from the underwater Kingdom of Atlantis) who is actually of royal lineage. After spending a lot of time learning his back story, we finally got to the plot. For numerous reasons, we learn that the various underwater kingdoms are about to join together under the evil leadership of Orm, who just so happens to be Arthur's half-brother. All these kingdoms are going to join together in the hopes of starting a war with the land-dwellers and conquer the WHOLE world, not just the oceans. And... of course... the only person who has any chance of stopping this from happening is Arthur Curry, who becomes the superhero known as Aquaman. It's a race for Aquaman, as he must find the long-lost sacred trident that will unite the people in peace before Orm conquers the various kingdoms and unites the people in fear and forces them to fight this battle for him. You know, same old story.



Momoa's portrayal of Aquaman was kind of all over the place. I'd say he was more humorous/silly than not, so it was difficult to take him seriously when he'd be involved in some super-serious battle or intense conversation about how his mother had been sacrificed to the evil crawfish-people of the trench world. Nicole Kidman's portrayal of Queen Atlanna was over the top and campy. Patrick Wilson as Orm left a lot to be desired. I never once believed that here was a guy who was going to be able to stop the super-bulky/muscular/handsome/tattooed Aquaman. Willem Dafoe's character, Vulko, was just this awkward advisor character. I think that's a good way to describe most of the acting in the movie... awkward.

The visuals of the movie were pretty good. The wide-shots of the massive worlds of Atlantis or the various underwater scenery was pretty awesome. The settings as well as the costumes were all bright and captured your attention. The close-ups were a little meh, it was really obvious to see that a lot of the movie were just the actors faces cut-and-pasted onto the digital bodies, with their little hands moving like flippers and their hair flowing in the water. It's hard to take Aquaman seriously as he's doing a doggy-paddle.

The plot/writing of the movie was REALLY simple. The most bothersome part about it was that it seemed to borrow the various parts of the plot from other major movies. Significant chunks of the storyline seemed eerily familiar to movies like Star Wars, Tron, Indiana Jones, Black Panther and the story of King Arthur. Because of that, I found it incredibly easy to pick out parts of the plot waaaaaayyyyy before it happened. "Oh yeah, this is gonna happen..." or "oooooh yeah, I totally saw THAT one comin'."

All of that being said, it'll probably be a surprise to you to hear that I did enjoy the film. For a simple movie to watch, it was entertaining. It just wasn't what I was expecting or hoping for... especially in a movie from the DCEU. I enjoyed the movie, I always enjoy the theater, and (of course) I enjoyed the company. Like I mentioned on Facebook, however, that was definitely a movie that would've been a-ok to watch on Redbox. I tried to keep an open mind and take it at face value. Occasionally, something ridiculous would happen and I'd be like "oh my GOSH! This is lame." Then I would have to stop and re-open my mind back up to it just being a simple, fun movie. Finally, the "big battle" at the end of the movie completely lost me and I was like "nope, that's about it. Not a good one."

With all of that being said, I give the movie a shaky 4 out of 10.

2019: The Sky's The Limit...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

If 2018 was "the year of the rehab," then I think the theme for 2019 should be "the sky's the limit!" I rang in 2018 in musty old dorm 2 of FIRSTEP, surrounded by the guys that would become my brothers over the next few months. It was a less-than-ideal occasion, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We sat around watching movies (I totally called it... "Jeepers Creepers 3" was horrible) and eating food that was the furthest away from the Weight Watchers-friendly spectrum. When the clock struck midnight, the guys celebrated, laughed and hugged. Yes, these uber-masculine "tough guys," many from oilfields and ranches across the state hugged. We held up big bottles of sparkling grape juice as if they were the finest bottles of champagne that money could buy. Shortly after, the lights were turned off and we all headed to our bunks... life returned to "normal" the following day. But, if for just a couple of hours, we were able to celebrate life like "normal" people... except we were all 100% stone-cold sober... many of us for the first time in a long, long time.

This new year was celebrated in a much more traditional manner. After I got off from work, I drove straight home and met up with Megan. We ate an ever-so-tasty (and not-so-healthy) dinner at the little diner inside the theater and then saw the 8:00PM showing of "Aquaman" (review to come!) in one of the "screening rooms" at the Warren. When the movie wrapped up, we ran back by my place to pick up a few things and headed back to her house to celebrate the new year in style (aka in pajama pants on the couch). Maybe next year we'll have some exciting and/or adventurous new year's celebrations.. but I wouldn't have changed this one for the world.

So, here we are! 2019! The year has SO much potential. All I have to do is just continue on with the momentum that I've gained through 2018 and the possibilities are pretty endless. While I've come so far from that bottom in November of 2017, it feels like I still have such a long way to go. My "to-do list" seems to actually keep growing. I have so much that I want to accomplish. I think I had pretty good success with last year's "top ten" list, so it sounds like a good idea to continue on with that and make it a yearly tradition. In a somewhat particular order, here goes nothing...





10... MOVIES! Kind of a carry over from last year's list. I definitely didn't see as many movies in 2018 as I would've liked, so I want that to change in 2019. I've looked into membership programs that a few different theaters have available, so that is looking like a definite possibility. Who knows, that might mean a few more movie reviews. :-)

9... ROAD TRIP! Don't get me wrong, I totally enjoyed the road trip in 2018... but it definitely wasn't the road trip I had been hoping for or planning for. It also just whet my appetite for a GOOD road trip, so maybe that might happen in 2019. It'll honestly be a miracle if it happens, scheduling and money conflicts are a mofo. But we'll see!

8... Becoming a better "blogger." I've noticed that, over the last few weeks, that writing helps a lot. It has definitely become a form of meditation for me. I bet I would only see continued benefits from more blogging in 2019. So be prepared for more posts about recovery, about my life, my ridiculous opinions, movie reviews and just general tomfoolery in the coming year.

7... Some clarity when it comes to my schedule. I don't think that I'm necessarily any busier than the average Joe or Jane out there, but sometimes it sure seems like it. Between my recovery, my personal life and my work schedule... life seems pretty hectic sometime. I think if I lay out a clear plan on what needs to go where and when, maybe that might help me remember the majority of it.

6... Be more focused on the world out there. Between all of the thoughts going on in between my two ears, social media and my phone, it can become very easy to stay wrapped up in "self." Service work is definitely one way to stay involved in the world out there. Another way I want to try is to stay aware of my surroundings and take more cool/fun/beautiful pictures of my day-to-day life.

5... Improving my health. In 2018, step one was definitely achieving sobriety. Step two was beginning to eat healthier and creating a healthier lifestyle. In 2019, I'm continuing on with that behavior. I would love to continue improving my diet and maybe getting my weight down to 200-ish. I also would love to find a way to fit in some potential gym time and actually exercise.

4... Being content with here and now. Improving my sense of PATIENCE. One thing I learned at Firstep is that things (often) don't go the way that you had originally planned. If they DO go the way you had planned, usually they don't go that way WHEN you planned them. I need to sit back and trust that things are going to happen when they are supposed to happen. I just need to focus on doing the next right thing.

3... Continued job growth. I love working where I work. I actually like and enjoy my coworkers, they make it a fun environment. I love getting to help clients (hopefully) take that first step towards recovery. There are possible job opportunities in 2019 to grow within the company OR I just want to continue growing and learning in the position where I am now. I'll be ok with either.

2... Continuing my education. I'll start back to school in a little under TWO weeks! By the end of 2019, I'll (hopefully) be a college graduate and starting the journey of working towards my masters degree! I'm super excited, but also crazy nervous.

1... Continued sobriety! My sobriety is the sole reason that I'm able to go back to school, I have a job that I love and that I'm good at and that I have plenty of strong relationships with friends and family. The only way that I'll be able to achieve ANY of this list will be if I can hold on to my sobriety in 2019. I think I can do it. :-)