Loving them from a distance...

When I worked through my fifth step, my sponsor introduced the mind-blowing concept to me that I have the power to end toxic relationships. I can walk away from a hurtful relationship, EVEN if it's family. One of the most amazing parts of this ability, is the fact that I don't have to hate the person that I'm ending the relationship with. I can wish them nothing but the best. I can hope they have all the success and happiness in the world. I can even love them... but I can love them from the other side of the street.

Humans are imperfect. We are flawed and make mistakes. So, it would make sense, that there would be BIGGER flaws and MORE mistakes when you put two or more humans together. When you add a substance use disorder, like alcoholism, to the mix... those flaws and those mistakes become even bigger and more damaging. The damage that I did to my relationships, especially the most important ones, still bothers me to this day. I find it difficult to remember certain situations that I royally messed up. Thank God for the ninth step and the ability to try and make amends to the people that I hurt the most.

The holidays are such a mixed bag of tricks. People talk about the challenges of spending Thanksgiving or Christmas with that crazy uncle or difficult sibling. They feel like they HAVE to or that it's an obligation. Why? If it is more damaging to be around someone, then why would you continue to be around that person? Especially if you've put in the effort and get let down, time and time again. It's time to let that one go. Spend the holidays with those that you love and those that make you happy.

Even when I was a youngin, the relationship between me and my father was... complicated. A lot of times, we made it work because I was still young and kinda "had to" do it. I felt that obligation that I previously mentioned. As an adult, that complication continued to grow and that gap between us grew bigger and bigger. We would still get together and attempt to make something work. It obviously never did. I finally decided, after I walked away from our last meeting, that I was done. He needed to stay where he was and I would stay where I am. I love my father. I wish him nothing but the best, but for my sobriety and my well-being... I just can't have him around me.

As an adult, I hit a rough patch with both of my brothers. I fell out of contact with both of them for different amounts of time at random points. The reasoning is still kind of fuzzy, but we just felt that we couldn't make it work. We'd take some time and respect each other's personal space. There have been a few times that they've popped back into the picture. I've taken the time and thought about it and decided that I wasn't done yet. We, as brothers, deserved another chance to keep our relationships alive. So far, the relationships are going well. They aren't the strongest, we aren't the absolute closest brothers in the world, but I'll take it. If, at any point, it went sour again, I have the right to decide to distance myself and protect myself from any harmful relationships. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be going in that direction.

I do have a handful of people in my life that I believe there needs to be distance... and that will more than likely be permanent. I don't care if it's the holidays or not, I can't. I love these people and I do wish them nothing but the best. They can win the lottery. They can find the loves of their lives. They can live out their dreams. I just don't have to be a part of it. You can find me on the other side of the street...

Four Months Later...

If life were a movie, the screen would start to focus on a scene of a young couple unpacking their car after a nice vacation trip to Colorado. They are tired, but happy. The couple goes inside the house, shutting the door behind them. You can hear the sound of muffled laughter as the screen fades to black.

The words "four months later" appear big on the middle of the screen. The camera opens on a bleak, dystopian future. The city skylines are nothing but a shell of what they used to be. The lines at food pantries are miles long. People wait for hours to get tested for this disease that has ravaged the country. The country's leader refuses to give up power, even though the people have rightfully voted him out.

Our young hero sits at a desk, writing his final paper, which will finalize his training and put him in a perfect position to go out there and save the world...

Okay, okay... "dystopian" may be a bit intense of a word to use. "Hero" probably isn't a good fit. Well, and he DEFINITELY isn't young. But, hey, it could work. I DID just submit my final paper... for the semester. One year left! By this time next year, that MSW will be within my grasp.

Sadly, some of that other stuff... like the lines at food banks, a disease ravaging the country and a leader that refuses to give up power is the sad truth of our times. We are TEN months into COVID, and the only glimmer of hope is the slooooooowww unveiling of a vaccine that probably won't get to "normal" people like myself until late spring or early summer. 

We lost my Uncle Bobby in October, after his long battle with cancer. Mom, Nick and I drove down to Houston for the service. It was great to get to see all of the family, albeit under horrible circumstances. Being around my aging family, as well as being around plenty of alcohol, created some challenges for sobriety... but I made it. I talked to people. That was another thing, I was glad that Uncle Bobby got to see me SOBER before he passed. So many of the other times he saw me... I definitely wasn't.

Joe Biden won the election. Donald Trump disputed it... is STILL disputing it. Democrats kept the house and didn't take back the senate. So, while it was a good night, it was NOT the sweeping victory we were hoping for. With a divided congress, it'll be a tough battle for Joe to get anything productive done for at LEAST two years.

I celebrated THREE years of sobriety from alcohol. November 14, 2020. It was a Saturday, so Megan and I decided to take a "break" from isolating and went to a comedy club to see one of my favorite actor's stand up routine. The only reason we decided to do this was that the club SUPPOSEDLY had super strict COVID guidelines. Yeah. Right. What a joke. The show was hilarious, but that club was NOT SAFE. We are so fortunate we walked out of there without catching the 'rona. 

Thanksgiving was weird, but nice. We didn't have a typical "family" holiday. Mom and Nick came over to our place. We ordered a big turkey dinner from Ingrid's, picked it up the day before and just warmed it up. Nick napped on the couch. I napped in the recliner. Mom and Megan talked... and talked... and talked... I guess some things never change. :-) 

Expect the Unexpected...

 

So this post is a complete and total re-write. When I first started it on Monday, I was highlighting the fact that I am a super-duper planner. Put that up against the fact that our trip to Colorado last week went almost completely NOT as planned. For some odd reason, I had even compiled a bulleted list of things that went wrong with the trip. Ya know what? It was pretty depressing. I stopped where I was and decided I just needed to scrap that post and start over. This is a long post... so beware. So, here we go!

FINALLY, we set off for our Colorado adventure (that had been planned for TWO other attempts!) Wednesday after Megan got off from work. I had gotten off a few hours before, and had completely packed up Maxine. Megan took the first leg of the trip and drove us to Amarillo, with a quick pit-stop in Elk City for some gourmet Sonic Drive-in for dinner. We topped off the tank in Amarillo and switched spots and I drove us the rest of the way to our first pit-stop in Trinidad, CO. The hotel wasn't the best, but at least it had a pretty comfy bed and that is ALL that mattered. We both wanted to get an early start the next morning, but our bodies woke us both up before we had originally intended to... so we got an even EARLIER start for the first full day of our journey. 

I thought it was adorable, the further north we went and as the mountains began to appear, Megan immediately started taking pics and "ooh-ing" and "aah-ing" a lot. I would tell her those weren't even the real mountains yet! She didn't care. Instead of driving straight up 25 into Denver, I took a left at Pueblo and drove us through Canon City, with the intention of spending some time at the Royal Gorge Bridge. I had memories of stopping there as a child and remembered how awesome it was and thought Megan would really enjoy it. When we arrived, the surroundings had lots of picture-worthy scenery. We made the trek through the parking lot to the entry and found out that they charged... $30 PER PERSON!? I was totally bummed and prayed that was not a sign of things to come, but Megan still enjoyed it and took everything in stride. We decided to continue on to the next stop of our journey.

The closer we got to Breckenridge, the scenery truly got more and more beautiful. We had planned to hike this 2-mile trail that led to a waterfall, but decided to seek out lunch first. We drove the whole way into Breckenridge and saw that this WINTER ski-town was absolutely packed. Like, way more than it should've been. Apparently, everyone else and their dog had the same idea about vacationing up in the mountains. I began to get frustrated with the amount of people and the traffic. The Breckenridge Subway was impossible to get to, so we went ahead and drove into Silverthorne. After we ate, we decided that we were tired and basically just wanted to get to the hotel... but it was too soon for check-in. So, we decided to mark off one of the things on our "to do" list and hike to Sapphire Point Overlook. We accomplished the hike... but I swear I almost died on the way there. I truly realized how absolutely out of shape I was. I COULD blame it on the altitude or the smoke in the air from the fires out west, but I knew that the main reason was all this extra weight I'm carrying around my gut. But, we got there. The overlook was absolutely beautiful. Lots of pics, including a selfie, were taken and I Facetimed Mom to share the experience with her. We huffed and puffed our way back to the car and drove back down the mountain. We stopped at the lake and stuck our feet in the COOOOOOOLD water for a bit, then made it to the hotel.

The hotel. It had one working lamp. The hallway smelled like weed. The front desk people liked to play "hide and seek." But it was in a nice location and it had a comfy bed. So 2/5 ain't half bad. We crashed. Hard. Relaxed in the hotel for the rest of the night. Picked up Chipotle for dinner. Watched Big Brother and went night-night. The next morning, we had originally planned to hike a few more trails and spend most of the day in Silverthorne/Dillon/Breckenridge. We woke up to a super hazy atmosphere that made it to where you could barely see the mountains (and you're smack dab in the middle of them!) or breathe. We decided it was safer to make our way out of the mountains and down into Denver. We'd have to miss out on the trails and "Isak Heartstone," but made a promise to each other that we would get into shape and come back and try again.

My favorite thing in the whole world is the drive between Silverthorne and Denver. The mountains, the Clear Creek that runs next to the highway. It's windy and beautiful and just about as close to perfect as possible. It was cold... and smokey... I just wasn't happy with it. But, just like before, Megan seemed to enjoy it and was totally happy with the experience. We got down from the mountains and had PLENTY of time to kill before we were able to check in. I took her to experience the wonderful world of TATTERED COVER bookstore (we had to wait an hour until they opened)... we walked up and down (a little bit anyway) the 16th Street Mall. I took her for a ride on her first public transit bus. I drove her by the capitol building and the Denver Civic Center. Then, we literally drove around for like 6 hours. Luckily, the hotel let us check in like an hour early. The hotel was SO NICE. The staff was awesome, the hotel public spaces were so nice and our room was basically perfect. Such a comfy bed. So a big A+ from me! We went and crashed for a couple of hours.

For dinner, we got up and around and we went to the super delicious Gunther Toody's. Then we just kinda relaxed around until it was time to finally crash. Speaking of crashing... the next morning we decided to wake up early and go to VOODOO DOUGHNUTS for breakfast. What a fun place! We got a nice wide variety of interesting shaped donuts (lol). On the way there, I had an interesting ...experience... with a Denver native riding an electric scooter. But it all turned out okay. :-)  After gorging ourselves on explicitly-shaped baked goods, we spent a good portion of Saturday relaxing in the hotel room. We eventually did venture back out to indulge in one of the best burgers I think I've ever had, at CROWN BURGER. Initially, I thought Crown Burger was just a small chain that could be found in the Salt Lake City area, but I was (thankfully mistaken). We had accidentally found a lone Denver location while taking the long way back to the hotel from Voodoo earlier in the day. We picked up the burgs and drove up to the street to the pretty campus of Denver University. We came back to the hotel and started the depressing process of packing our bags to get ready to hit the road for home.

We got up pretty early and started packing up the car. We had leftover donuts for breakfast and got on the road. We didn't have to go far before we made a small detour to go through the "Garden of the Gods" in Colorado Springs to see some beautiful rock formations. We hit up their gift shop and then started the journey back home. Other than an A/C unit that was getting kinda wonky on us near the end and having to dodge some storms as we drove through Texas, the trip back home was just as safe and uneventful. We pulled into our garage on fumes. We were super tired, kinda glad to be back home, but kinda sad that this adventure we had been waiting on for YEARS was over. We are going back again. Soon, if I have any say! What adventure shall we plan for next?

So, it was far from the perfect trip, like I had previously mentioned. Lots of stuff got kinda sideways. But it was still a LOT of fun and Megan and I will be able to share these memories with each other for years to come. I'm grateful for the time that we got to spend together. She's a good little copilot, both in life AND in road trips. :-) 

Rocky Mountain Hiiiiiighh...

Just ask anyone who knows me relatively well, and they'd probably be able to tell you that my favorite city that I've visited would be Denver. If I had to move today, that would probably be my new "go-to" locale. I'm not sure what it is... it just seems to have so much fun "city" stuff, but is right there at the foot of the Rockies and can give you some of the most beautiful nature scenery that you've ever seen. You've never been? I highly, highly (was that a mountain joke? Or a legalized marijuana joke? Hmm...) recommend it!!!

The last trip I made to Denver seemingly ended as quick as it began. Mom and I flew in late one night, and we were home before the next night. It was a great trip that gave Mom a brief experience of mountain scenery and just whet my appetite just enough to make sure I would long to return as soon as possible. We did make some stops at some must-see Denver sites (Tattered Cover bookstore), but we spent most of our time up in the mountains. It was cold and wet, but otherwise a great trip.

A few years later, Megan and I planned to spend our first vacation together taking a road trip back to the Rocky Mountain State. Some car troubles 72-hours before we were scheduled to leave changed those plans and we wound up going to Dallas. It was a good trip... but no competition to a trip to Colorado. Ever since then, it has been at the top of our list. The next trip somehow took us to Lawton. Yeesh. We were FINALLY planning on going to Denver this spring, to celebrate the successful conclusion of the Spring semester and to enjoy some R and R before the chaotic Summer semester kicked off. Sadly, the 'rona interfered with that and we decided to postpone. Neither of us felt safe travelling with the pandemic AND we weren't sure on whether or not we should use up PTO that might need to be used for other things (like quarantining or something). The 'rona is still going strong, but the Summer semester was such a doozy that I decided that I HAD to get out of town for a bit. We made a few changes to Denver plans, which basically just means spending time in the mountains and/or away from people.

So... unless the car acts up within the next (under) 24 hours... Denver is FINALLY happening. We hit the road tomorrow. Wish us luck! I'll post another blog of our adventures soon!

1000 Days...

It has been 1000 days since I took my last drink. That's almost 33 months. 24,000 hours. You've read my other posts, so it's needless to say that my life has changed... a lot. The most sobriety I've ever claimed before was around 11 months, when in all honesty it was more like a couple of weeks or a handful of days. I've never made it far at all to really enjoy what sobriety had to offer and I most DEFINITELY did not believe what people were telling me when we would read "the promises" out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today, I can tell you they are TOTALLY true.

We are going to know a NEW freedom and a NEW happiness. 

We will not regret the past... nor wish to shut the door on it. 

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know PEACE.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away. 

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will CHANGE!

Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?

I DEFINITELY THINK NOT!

One Step Closer...

I can TOTALLY relate to the picture of the runner above. Mentally and (somehow) physically exhausted. Stumbling, but falling across the finish line FACE FIRST. The third semester of my MSW is in the books, and it appears that I'll (miraculously) get to hold on to my 4.0 GPA! I would probably go as far to say that this has been my favorite semester, getting to experience my first practicum as well as going through a class in a subject matter that I had never really considered as possible career path... until now. I've been pretty focused on the idea of a career that, while giving myself other opportunities, mainly focuses on working with people struggling with substance abuse/addiction issues. The course I completed was "theory, practice and evaluation with families and groups." I wasn't too intrigued by the group portion, but I was surprisingly interested in the family portion and learned a lot. The professor was a total ball-buster, but she was absolutely amazing. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I was her favorite. Toot toot.

OKC Metro Alliance and Firstep worked with me and they created an employment-based practicum where I was able to complete my practicum hours while staying on the job. It was SUPER nice because it made it possible where I wasn't having to "work" extra hours to get through practicum. It didn't seem like much at first, but I realized later how much I learned and accomplished through this semester's practicum work at Firstep. I was able to see a lot of different perspectives and angles on how a facility like this is run and how a facility like this COULD be run.

All in the meanwhile, the world continued to turn. I'd love to be able to say that our situation is exponentially better since I last posted in May... but it hasn't been. COVID still continues to rage. We had just turned a corner and started to maybe see the light at the end of the tunnel. Rather than pressing on and getting this pandemic behind us, people took that as a sign that we were all clear and should probably go ahead and open back up. In most areas of the country that numbers are just as bad, if not worse, as when this whole ordeal began. Dumb people around the world actually argue with scientists about the legitimacy of this pandemic, whether or not masks help (duh), and how we as a people should respond. So frustrating.

Shortly after my last post, there were a string of horrid incidents involving police brutality which ended in the needless murders of black people. When an unarmed George Floyd was handcuffed and basically suffocated, it seemed like that set off something that had been simmering under the surface for many years. "Black Lives Matter" became a household phrase. Protests erupted across the country, including several very uneasy protests here in Oklahoma City. People were angry. People demanded change. But this time seems different. Usually, when these things have happened in the past, there are protests and rallies... but eventually it kinda goes away. Here we are, three months later, and there are STILL protests across the country. People are still angry and they are still demanding change. Politicians and the people in power are slow to make that change it seems, and people are going to remember that come November. This topic deserves a post of its own, and I didn't make one, because I believe that I needed more to just sit back and learn. As a white male, I don't really need to jump the forefront and share my opinion. 

I continue to count my blessings as life at home throughout 2020 has been mostly positive. Lots of little bumps and what-not, but we've persevered. I've remained employed throughout this whole ordeal. Megan has too. We've continued to get settled into our new little house together and have a nice routine and way of life worked out. My parents have managed to stay healthy, albeit probably a little stir-crazy since they mainly quarantine to stay safe. Even though I already have everything turned in, my semester officially ends tomorrow. I'll have a nice two-week downtime in which Megan and I are planning on taking a MUCH needed vacation. We're going to take a road-trip up into Colorado. We'll spend SOME time in Denver, but a good portion of time will be spent up in the mountains, staying socially distant and enjoying the scenery. It'll hopefully be relaxing and a great time! I'll need it to fill up my emotional/spiritual/mental/physical "gas tank" before the next semester starts on August 24th! Maybe I can plop out a couple more post in between now and then!

Puzzle Pieces...

So, at this point in May of 2018, I was still a client at Men's Firstep. I definitely had more time behind me than I did ahead of me, the finish line was in sight. By about February or March of 2018, my mindset about who I was or who I wanted to become was beginning to completely change. I was getting this picture painted for me, I believed by my Higher Power, that there was definitely a plan for me in place.  Post-graduation, I would be staying on at Firstep as a resident advisor. I would still be a part of the community per se, but I'd have more freedoms of a graduate. The pay was pretty nominal, but I thought that it would probably meet my needs at that time. The most important part would be getting to stay part of this community that had given me SUCH a better life. Although I had Megan, my family and SOOO many other positive things waiting for me on the outside... I was afraid to leave it.

At some point in early-to-mid April, they wanted a more concrete answer from me. Yes or No? Are you staying or going? I had several honest conversations with the director at the time, and it turned out that the pay was going to be even less than I thought it would be. I would still be able to live off of the amount, but there would be no way that I could afford to save up or do anything like buy a car or anything. After lots of prayer, and conversations with those closest to me, I had to accept the fact that the position with Firstep was NOT going to work. I think I put on a pretty good face, but I was absolutely devastated. I think, at least mentally, I had put all of my eggs into that basket. When that didn't work out, what exactly was I going to do? Firstep had given me a nice push in the right direction. I was newly sober and I would have a 6-month job history with a good reference, but I still wasn't certain that anyone "out there" would want me.

The most important part was that I trusted that God had the wheels in motion and that I could land somewhere. Before too long, Mom was sending me job openings from Indeed and Monster and all these other places. I'm pretty sure that I applied for about 43 gajillion jobs at OU. Not even a nibble from anywhere. My fears were coming true. I was right about the point where I thought I wasn't going to be able to keep cool anymore when Mom sent me a random Facebook ad. It was for a job posting for an outpatient treatment center, working in admissions. It sounded right up my alley, but the job posting was over a month old. I tried anyway. We obviously know that the story has a happy ending...

How often do we set out these intricate plans for life? "I'm going to accomplish A, then immediately move on to B and then eventually progress on to C." How often do those intricate plans actually work out seamlessly? We might accomplish B before we finish A. Sometimes we go from A all the way to J, then have to go all the way BACK to point A before it's all said and done. Beforehand, that was a perfect reason to get absolutely trashed. It was probably a good explanation as to why I was perfectly happy being stagnant. "If I don't even make the plans, I won't have to face the disappointment when those plans inevitably fail." Sometimes plans DON'T work. Often they don't. It's important (for me anyway) to keep at it AND to keep an open mind. Because, in the long run, you might not reach that original goal you set. But the goal you DID achieve can turn out to be far greater.

Life @ 35...

Flash back to 10 years ago...

25 was supposedly a big deal. Well, I thought that I was a big deal and so that meant me turning 25 was a big deal worth celebrating. My little group of friends spent a lot of time, effort and money and threw me a pretty awesome birthday party... complete with amazing barbecue, a DELICIOUS cake and lots and LOTS of booze. My brothers and their wives came out. If I can remember correctly (I can't remember much), I think my friends put in the effort to invite some co-workers out too. It was a lovely evening... or it WOULD'VE been lovely, if my budding alcoholism had not totally trashed it. By the end of that night, or more like the next morning... It was about this time that I had started to realize a few things about myself, and some of them were definitely not pleasant.

On the surface, I had my shit together. I was young and skinny (oh so pretty). I had a job that paid me more than I was worth. I had a place of my own (well, sorta on my own... my roommate was never home, which was AWESOME).  I was plugging along in school. I had a booming social life.  Life was fairly picturesque for 25 year old John.

On the inside, I may have had my youth but I was NOT healthy. Little did I know that the job was soon going to be on very thin ice and fail me (or I guess I failed it). The roommate eventually asked me to move out. I may have been in school, but I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life. My social life was so shallow and I was about to run away the few loyal friends that I had. It wasn't nearly as pretty as it looked. I was realizing that my sexuality, even as a recently "out" gay man, wasn't as black and white. And, to top it all off, I was starting to come to terms that I might have a problem with alcoholism.

You definitely know the story, that alcoholism definitely blossomed over the next decade. But it isn't the nightmare it sounds like it would be. Believe it or not, it DOES have a happy ending...

Now, I've taken the pain and experiences and turned it into a career working with others struggling with addiction issues. I finished my first degree and am well on my way into my second one, with a VERY clear picture of what I want to do "when I grow up." I may not be in the best shape of my life, but I've learned that health is so much more than just physical. I've accepted that sexuality isn't black and white. I've found someone that I'm more than happy with and is happy with me. She accepts me for me and loves every bit of it. It may be small in number, but I have the best group of friends I ever could have asked for. Plus, I'm actually on good terms with my family... and I love my family.

Corona definitely throws some curveballs into the first 24 hours of my new year, but I know this is only temporary. Things will either go back to "normal"... or they won't. If they don't, I have a program and people that teach me that I can adapt and grow and accept the things that I cannot change... but remembering to have the courage to change the things that I can. With the state of things, it is odd to feel optimistic about the upcoming year. But I am. I'm going to make the best of it. I'm excited to see what #35 has in store for me.

The Quarantine Cut...

An unforeseen circumstance to a worldwide pandemic is the need to close the majority of businesses that serve the public to limit exposure. That means restaurants, movie theaters, gyms, retail stores like Best Buy or JC Penney... and hair salons. When local and state governments made the move to shut stuff down, it was like March 16th-ish, and I wasn't QUITE in dire need of a cut yet... but man, was I close. I thought I had the tenacity to tough it out and make it until stuff started re-opening. "I'd be glad to cut your hair, if you want," Megan kept offering. I would violently shake my head in protest. Nope. She'd botch the job and I'd wind up hating her forever (okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but you get the point).

A month in and my hair was getting quite woolly. As soon as it started doing that annoying thing where it was going over my ears and curling, I had had enough. I snapped. I started making comments about being willing to just buzz it off myself. The buzz cut was NOT a good look on me, I looked like a fat fuzz ball or a real life version of Bobby from "King of the Hill..." but I was willing. Megan would gently remind me that her offer still stood. What did I have to lose? If she DID botch it, I was already to the point where I was willing to buzz it... so I could just chop it off. So here goes nothing.

We got the clippers from my parents and set up shop in our bathroom. Megan went to town. I offered very little help, other than to give her a hard time and make panicky/sobby faces or occasionally throwing out a random chuckle or whimper. There was some discussion on where to do the fade. Lower? Or higher up? Whoa... that's high. I look like I'm in the military now. :-) It was a challenge to make sure sideburns and stuff were even, but she did pretty dang good. Just one random buzz on the back of my head, where she took it too close... but even that isn't that bad. I had a coworker today tell me today that it just looked like a natural bald spot. NO! I'M NOT BALD! lol

After it was all said and done... the cut looked good and felt GREAT! There was hair E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  We definitely learned a few things that we would do differently IF we have to do thing. It'll probably be a buzz cut. It's getting done in the garage. Shake the towels/clothes off in the trash can instead of throwing them (full of hair) directly into the washing machine. Once we got cleaned up and rested... I was quite pleased with my new quarantine cut. Megan was quite pleased with herself. This was just another example of how I'm pretty fortunate to have an awesome partner to "self isolate" with.

A (TV) Review for YOU! Special... A Return to "Hill House..."

"The Haunting of Hill House" debuted to unsuspecting audiences around the world in October of 2018. The limited series on Netflix was presented as a totally different spin on the novel of the same name by Jackson and/or a different take on the movie "The Haunting" starring Liam Neeson that came out in 1999. I haven't had a chance to read the book (Megan says that it's good, just VERY different than the series) yet, but I can tell you that it is a MASSIVE improvement on the movie that came out in '99. Man, that movie sucked...

ANYWAYS... I originally watched the series shortly after it came out. I watched a couple of the episodes and then decided that I wanted to try and get Megan hooked into it as well. I definitely did. Our "vacation" to Dallas wound up turning into us dividing up time between a hotel room binge-fest of the show and occasionally running downstairs to the pool/hot tub. It was a surprisingly awesome little trip! Megan would (probably) say that the best part of the trip was going down to Magnolia/Waco. I would say it was finishing the show up in our room, and the scary and/or funny times we had.

Funny times, you say? Yep. Let me tell you about probably one of the funniest things that has EVER happened to me. One of the last nights we were there, Megan and I had the TV turned up louder than usual, to compete with the room next to us . During an intense conversation in one of the later episodes (I won't tell you which one) there is probably one of the best BOO! GOTCHA! moments I've ever experienced in any sort of movie or tv show. EVER. So amazing. Anyways, that scene happened... which caused Megan to scream very loudly and me to yell out "FUUUUUUUUUUU..." (you get the point) even louder. The room next to us got temporarily quiet lol. We eventually finished the series, checked out of the hotel and made our way back home. A great trip and an AWESOME show.

Recently, I was searching for something to "watch" while I did my homework (aka... have it on in the background while I write. I can sorta kinda pay attention to it or leave it) or during periods where I wanted to nap. For some reason I decided to watch this. It COMPLETELY failed, because I wasn't able to just "sorta kinda" pay attention and I most definitely wasn't able to nap. It captured my full-on attention again. Not quite two years later, and I had forgotten that the show was that good.

I'll skip the brief plot analysis. You probably know it by now. Or, at least, you should. The character development is top notch. They found such a great way to put together these great stories for the characters as individuals as well as how the characters interact with the group as a whole. Just like the Walking Dead is really a character-driven show that just happens to have zombies in it, "Haunting of Hill House" is a very character-driven show that just happens to take place partially in a haunted mansion. However, the mansion itself does become a sort of secondary character. You find yourself wanting to learn about its story or how it became the way it is when we first see it.

Out of 10 episodes, there are like maybe FIVE good BOO! GOTCHA! moments. But there are plenty of times where you are on the edge of your seating waiting for one. Usually, in scary movies, we DREAD dialogue. Like, just get to the scary part already! I think, in "Haunting," the dialogue really is the cherry on top of the show. The intense, yet thoughtful conversations between sisters Theo and Shirley as they drive down the road... or the conversation between son Steve with his father Hugh. It was definitely an impeccable screen play but it was the amazing performance from the actors that brought it home. I'm surprised there weren't more awards given out for it, especially for Oliver Jackson-Cohen for his portrayal of adult Luke Crain or Kate Siegel for her portrayal of adult Theo Crain. Near perfect!

Chances are you've already watched it. If not, watch it. If you have, watch it again... especially to go back and find all the "hidden" ghosts throughout every episode. Pretty cool. I give this TV show a haunting 9.5 out of 10!!!

The Year of the 'Rona...

I was at home on March 12, when I watched officials decide to call off the game between the Thunder and the Utah Jazz, out of concern about COVID-19. It was a bit of silliness really, if you asked me. This was just a big, overgrown version of the flu.

As program coordinator for FIRSTEP, I had talked with various group leaders and other volunteers that come out to the center about what policies we had in place to prevent the spread of Coronavirus. Spread? What spread?? One by one, they all decided to start cancelling services until further notice. I totally respected their decision, but I didn't quite understand. After all, it was just a big, overgrown version of the flu!

Over that weekend, life seemed to change dramatically. It was the last time I got to hug my parents. Stories began to hit the news about hoarding of toilet paper and other "essential" items at the grocery store. I went to Sam's to pick up a few things, but nothing too extreme. They had a little bit of toilet paper, but absolutely NO soap or other cleaning supplies. People were taking this awfully seriously, for just a big version of the flu...

Monday came along and we heard news that our corporate office had made the decision to effectively put the center on "lock down." No more passes or visitation, we also wouldn't be accepting any new clients until further notice. I knew this was going to go over like a turd in a punch bowl, and it did. We had a handful of clients leave, those that stayed behind were pretty unhappy and made sure we knew about it.

I started to read up on it. I started to take it seriously. I went to the store to get a few more things, because I didn't want to have to go back for a while. The store was BARE. It was stark. It was scary. I honestly had to fight back the tears, because I didn't know what to think. For the first time in a while, I thought that one of those bottles of wine they sell in stores now might be a good idea... but no, I can't do that. I called my Mom. Asked her if she needed anything. I was able to get her a small little turkey breast. Helping her made me feel better. Now I just needed to get out of there.

Before too long, Oklahoma had it's first official case... but it was up in Tulsa. No big deal. He had just flown in from overseas and hadn't had any exposure. We can beat this. Then another one popped up, then another. Then we got the first case in Oklahoma City. Then the first one happened in Cleveland county. Then it just EXPLODED. It seemed overnight we couldn't keep up with the number of new cases... and the number of people dying from this new disease.

Here we are, a little over a month later since this debacle started. It's been five days since I last posted and the number of infected has blown up to nearly 140,000. We have lost 108 souls in Oklahoma. Some "experts" state that we are at the peak, or at least near it. Once we hit that peak, it can only get better from here. But then you listen to other experts, and some think that we might have to practice some form of social distancing at least until 2022 or until a vaccine is in widespread distribution. I don't think we'll ever return TOTALLY to the way it was before this whole thing happened, but I can only pray for some form of "normalcy" and that it happens sooner rather than later.

Quarantine N Chill...

It has been 99 days since the last time that I posted. Yikes. Sorry about that...

At about the 30 day mark, I was thinking that the BIGGEST change in life would be the fact that Megan and I had made the decision to take an "until further notice" break from going out to the movies almost every weekend. This was due to the fact that we were at the AMC theater in Penn Square during a shooting and it, needless to say, left a bad taste in our mouths. We were fine... but we had a pretty bad case of movie theater PTSD.

Life continued. We still went to work. We eventually did make it back to the movie theater... a DIFFERENT movie theater. It was a one-time thing, a special event with a friend. It was totally worth it, but we were still a-ok with not going. I started my SECOND semester of grad school. It's been a doozy, but I've enjoyed it overall. I've started the process of getting ready to do practicum work in the summer. It should be a fun and exciting experience (hopefully).

At about the 60 day mark, the anxiety-inducing feelings that came along with that event started to subside. We readjusted to our "new normal" and found out new things to do on weekends. It was nice too, because it helped put some money back in our pockets.. which was desperately needed since we had FINALLY MOVED IN TOGETHER. We wound up finding a cute little house in Moore. I moved in at the end of February, she moved in a few weeks later. It's a great house in a great neighborhood. It's just overall a really good fit. We seem to be pretty happy. It hasn't been a PERFECT transition, but most of that is due to situations that are definitely out of our hands. 

At about... oh, I dunno, like the 80 day mark, we've had plenty of new words thrown into our everyday vocabulary. "COVID," "CORONAVIRUS," "SOCIAL DISTANCING," "SELF-ISOLATION," "FAUCI.," "PANDEMIC."  All words that I didn't think I'd be using on a fairly regular basis. A new virus first hit the states in late February, early March. Things really changed in Oklahoma on March 16th. Firstep initiated some pretty strict lockdown protocol. Megan started working from home. We haven't been able to see our families, for fear of unknowingly spreading the virus to them. They encourage wearing masks in public. Over 100,000 people have died worldwide since this whole ordeal has started. There have been 88 deaths in Oklahoma. There are just sometimes it seems like something out of a bad horror film. We all just kinda seem to do what we can day-in and day-out, hoping that eventually we'll find some sort of "normal" again.

So... here we are at 99 days later. Some experts are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. People are starting to get cautiously optimistic. We are doing what we can to "flatten the curve," but still manage to live a "normal" life. Megan and I worked today, I got home and napped and then we picked up some dinner and watched some wrestling. We are SO fortunate. So blessed. There are millions of people out there who have lost their jobs because of this. There are thousands of people out there who have died because of this. If the only thing I face is an inconvenience because I have to wear a mask in public? Or an inability to visit places I love, like Vintage Stock or Best Buy? Hell yeah, I'm blessed.

The Year of the Silver Screen...

So, for two years now, my top ten list has consisted of SOMETHING regarding a desire to see more movies IN the actual theater. 2019 marked the first year that I've been able to do that, partially because I have a kickass movie partner and the other is because of the "AMC Stubs A-List" program. For a little over $40 a month, Megan and I have the option to see up to THREE movies in a single week. The most we've been able to pull off at any given time is two in a night, but even with just ONE in a week... the membership MORE than pays for itself. By the end of 2019, Megan and I saw a total of 42 movies. YEP! You read that right, forty two. That's a LOT of big tubs of popcorn. A LOT of time spent in the theater, but that's what we do. :-)

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald - I don't remember much about it. A solid "meh."
Escape Room - I liked it! A cheesy plot, but pretty appealing. I'll see the inevitable sequel.
Glass - A disappointing end to that trilogy. It started out strong, decent plot, shitty ending.
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part - Eh. It lost me at musical. Cute movie, though.
Captain Marvel - A female superhero movie... set in the 90's. What's not to love?
Five Feet Apart - Meh. Typical Nicholas Sparks chick flick. 
Us - YES! I thought it was good. Interesting concept. Jordan Peele does good work.
Dumbo - A cute live action remake. Nothing super spectacular.
Pet Sematary - Remake. Changed it up from the original. I prefer the original. Still good, though.
Shazam! - I love Zachary Levi. I love superhero movies. This had both. 'Nuff said.
Long Shot - HILARIOUS! Charlize Theron can be funny?! Typical Seth Rogen stoner movie.
Pokemon: Detective Pikachu - I love Ryan Reynolds. I love Pikachu. This had both. 'Nuff said.
Aladdin - Cute live action remake. Cool "girl power" plot. I miss Robin Williams.
Booksmart - HILARIOUS! Like "Superbad," but with girls. Much better than Superbad.
Brightburn - What if Superman had crashed to Earth... and been EVIL!? Good plot. Great movie.
The Dead Don't Die - Had such potential! Bill Murray! Zombies! Jim Jarmusch is just too weird...
The Hustle - Eh. Big girl Rebel Wilson plays comedy relief to "hot" Anne Hathaway. Meh. 
Godzilla: King of the Monsters - Godzilla versus all the other monsters! Cool Summer movie.
Men In Black: International - A cute new take on the "MIB" movies. Pawny was the best, though.
Toy Story 4 - Cute. No different than Toy Storys 2-3, really. Could've been like 45 minutes shorter.
Child's Play - Not too bad. An interesting modern take on Chucky.
Yesterday - Cute movie. Great soundtrack.
The Lion King -Eh. Not horrible. Pretty much shot for shot a total remake. Nothing new.
Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood - A Tarantino win! An interesting take on "history." I liked!
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark - I heart Guillermo Del Toro. A good, sorta-scary movie!
Good Boys - HILARIOUS! Like "Superbad," but with fifth grade boys. Good ol' toilet humor lol
It: Chapter Two - A surprisingly deep and awesome ending to the IT movies. Thumbs up!
Joker - Easily wins for my fave of the year...
Gemini Man - It's in a close race with "The Dead Don't Die" for biggest disappointment...
Zombieland: Double Tap - Not as good as the original... but still hilarious!
Terminator: Dark Fate - Take the bad-ass Terminator... and make him a family man!? MEH.
Midway - Typical Roland Emmerich big budget, big explosion war movie. Pretty good, though!
Doctor Sleep - Sequel to "The Shining." Not sure if I liked how it ended, but it was still good.
Jojo Rabbit - A close second for fave of the year...
Ford V. Ferrari - Kinda bleh if you aren't a car person. But it has great character development.
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Suuuuuuch a good movie. Not what I expected, but great!
Knives Out - Interesting take on the "Whodunit" movie. I enjoyed it so much, I saw it TWICE! lol
Jumanji: The Next Level - Super cute and funny sequel to the Rock's Jumanji remake.
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - Good, but not great. A satisfying end to the Skywalker saga.
Bombshell - Great movie, eye-opening look at what it's like to be a woman in the world of media.

Oops, I was wrong. Make that forty ONE movies... but, still! That's a lot of movies! SO many good ones, too. There were a few duds in there, but nothing horrible. I'm excited to see what 2020 brings in the world of movies... The Grudge remake, the new Dr. Dolittle, Bad Boys 3, the new James Bond, the new Harley Quinn movie, so on and so forth... it'll be another good year in the movies :-)